�the past sure is tense�

Today I saw Kerry. I haven�t seen her in eight years I realized. That�s a long time, fuck. We went out for a little over a year when I was eighteen-nineteen years old. She then cheated on me with a bunch of my �friends�, about four or five of them. She was the third girl to show me that you can�t trust anyone. She was the second girl I ever said �I love you� to, and I was the first person she ever said that to. The last time I saw her was about eight years ago. We dated like twelve years ago. I was dating a girl who was particularly �shy�, and I went to see Kerry in her dorm room. I think at one point we started fooling around, I left abruptly, and felt like shit for a month. She had a way of making me feel like shit in any given situation. I think she has changed into a more positive, better person since her younger years. I called her over this past summer, and that was the last I heard from her. Today she walked up to my car as I was about to pull out of the coffee shop saying something like �I saw you and just wanted to say hello� I did a bit of a double take, and having a car load of friends, and a head full of THC didn�t help. I wanted to talk more to her, get her new number, whatever. I�d really like to see her again, if just to have a coffee and talk about life.

�my head is my only house unless it rains�

Once I get myself involved in something that is reliant on passion, or a lot of emotion, I can�t stop. Right now, day to day, I feel frustrated, angry, anxious, all of that. I don�t want to just move along, but what I else am I supposed to do? Keep beating myself up over it all? I don�t feel important. I don�t feel like I am making any sense right now. I don�t know if I�m really feeling like I do. How the fuck do I tell? When you think you have some sort of connection with someone, and you think you could both do better for the other one, shouldn�t that just be obvious? I can�t just do this forever, there has to be a breaking point. It is coming soon I can feel it. I can feel everything getting fucked up, and just being back where I always am. Nobody comes out a winner here. Most likely, nobody is going to walk away unscathed. I want just a couple of things, I want her to make me feel good each day, and I want her to be with me when she�s with me, is that too much to ask?

I�m gone for a while, I�ll return, again, have a good holiday, I�m done.

before & after