1) Cave in � Jupiter / These guys are quite possibly the best local band in Boston in my opinion. I never go out that much, but I saw them a few months back, and realized I didn�t need to see a live show for a while after. This record is no letdown either. Emerging from the confines of the redundant hardcore/metal scene, Cave In took their own path, and developed one of the most unique sounding �heavy� records this side of any Voi Vod album you can think of. Throw in some big huge guitars riffs, a little Radiohead, a little Pink Floyd, and a whole lot of soul, and you will get the picture.

2) Godspeed You Black Emperor! � lift yr. skinny fists� / These guys seem to be getting a pretty big buzz right now, and I just missed them last week for probably a night out at the local coffee shop reading the Globe, and I�m kicking myself now. I can�t really explain this record, or this band. I hear a heavy Mogwai influence, and kill me if this is any sort of off shoot I don�t know about. This record is 2 discs, 4 tracks, and simply amazing from start to finish. Best enjoyed late at night by yourself.

3) Karate � Unsolved / Another band best enjoyed by yourself. I actually avoided this band for years because an ex-girlfriend dated the drummer, ha! Anyway, minimalist, quiet music that makes you think. It would be impossible to listen to this record on the beach in the middle of July.

4) Medeski, Martin, and Wood � The Dropper / The title of this apparently was an inside joke by the band, who thought they would be dropped after releasing this. Any jazz/experimental fan would love this record. The funk is still there, that trademark organ is still there, they just got a little more out there. Plus, any record with Marc Ribot guesting has to be good.

5) Quasimodo � The Unseen / I�m a firm believer that most hip-hop just sucks. There is way too much that sounds the same. I came across a review of this recently, and they called it �the Zen Arcade of hip-hop records�. I would have to agree. I�ve had this for a few days, and it has proven that there is still some originators out there like De La Soul, etc.

6) Radiohead � Kid A / I�m also a firm believer that bands, good bands with life, get better with age. This is definitely the case with this record. Easily the most anticipated record of the year. There were plenty of lukewarm reviews out there, and I don�t think most people �got it�, but this is truly one of the best records of their career. And hey, what�s with that Boston accent �Whey�d ya pahk the cah?�?

7) Hot Water Music � No Division / These guys don�t write bad songs. I think this came out this year?

8) Neil Young � Silver and Gold / The third and final installment in the Harvest series I guess. This record didn�t hit me until recently, now I can�t stop listening to it. More of the acoustic Neil, bare and down to the bone.

9) Marc Ribot Y Los Cubanos Postizos � Muy Divertido! / The second of Ribot�s Cuban records, this one isn�t as good as the first one, but still manages to swing more than anything you see on MTV.

10) Modest Mouse � The Moon and Antarctica / If it wasn�t for the first line of this record, I probably wouldn�t have it on here.

Others just boiling under: Reggie and the Full Effect � Promotional Copy, Joan of Arc � The Gap, Lake Trout � Alone at Last, Sunny Day Real Estate � The Rising Tide, and a few others.

I�m terribly sorry, but I have a hard enough time introducing myself to the party, that I will have to take yet another rain check. It�s beginning to look like a Wim Wenders movie around here, slow, and hard to figure out. It all seems so silly sometimes. Where does the anger come from that I get from time to time? Who knows, I feel like a different person when I�m out with more than one person. I can�t do it. It proves itself over and over, day by day. They bore me with the same ideas and things they do every night. I can say it a million times, a million different ways though. I can keep saying, and nobody will understand, or care for that matter. Nobody gets hints, nobody picks up on metaphors I throw at them. Why? I really have some good to do I think. I just don�t have the power to do it right now. I don�t have any energy. All of my energy gets focussed on one thing, and then I lose it immediately, and move on to the next thing. If anything, ADD has killed any hopes of me having a consistent social structure inside myself. I get ideas about people, and immediately I throw them down and realize what I�m doing, it�s just all a big mess of crap that I care not to talk about anymore. They won�t listen, they think they know me. Would I really give out the information that needs to be given out at this point. Fools once told me not to trust anyone, and I believed them. You can go on and on about how you hate people for as long as you want, but look, it just ends up looking like this, a contradiction. For the time being though, I don�t need people around me. I don�t need to be out with a group of people to feel comfortable. I feel so uncomfortable when I do that it�s not even funny. At this point, I just want to come home from work, do some writing, reading, writing in here, and go to sleep. The entertainment value of conversation is at an all time low right now, making me feel like this. I like my private little world at work. Nobody knows me at work. Well, everyone knows me, but nobody knows me whatsoever. I like this. We all come to work, and we go home with little memories, or ideas of how we think those people are. I do a lot of talking about my personal life at work, as do others, but you can�t let too much out. I at least don�t want to hear it. I like my ideas of how they all are. The girl in the accounting office with the best eyes this side of Texas, who the hell is she, and why do I get nervous every time she walks by? I'm jealous. Jealous of the world, and everyone in it. Everyone knows how to feel right. Everyone knows how to have a good time, me I sit here and wonder how I got here. A winter inside the house, I think I can dig this plan. I can dig this shit with a shovel. I just feel like there is nothing out there to offer, it�s cold, people are cold, nobody wants to listen to a fucking word I say. They want to spend their nights at Irish bars listening to U2 and the Pogues so they can walk home and talk about how cool they feel. I can�t have that. I will never have that, ever. I can�t say I want it though. I can�t say I miss hanging out under those circumstances. I�ve seen it happen all along, either go with the flow, or get thrown off the boat. I�ve been thrown off the boat far too many times now, and I want to just walk now. I don�t want anything to do with any of that crap. It creates drama. It always creates drama and boring nights out. They ask me to come out, and I cannot for the life of me explain why it just doesn�t appeal to me. Nothing feels good. Make me feel good in the morning like this make me feel bad in the evening like this make me feel confused and dizzy make me feel like the guitar is my only friend right now the girls come out and tell me to join them in wine drinking contests in dirty rooms full of pierced tongues and memories of how stupid it all looks in retrospect it feels like I could move myself away from here and they wouldn�t notice hey come out with three other couples we want you to have a good time watching people hug and kiss and we want you to have a good time watching this unfold in front of you if you care to be involved in the drama dial 1-800-somethingoranother if you need to have yourself a good time have your toes stepped on a few more times it always makes us wake up a little take the time out each morning to breathe and look out at the trees behind the room the window is clean in the morning and it tells me which way the day will go I see no shadows there in the morning no telescopes and no girls holding radios up playing that silly peter gabriel song in the rain none of that happens here a vacant building with a ghost in the back room looking out at the yard wondering if he�ll be able to make it to work without driving off the road because he wasn�t watching where he was going they drink beer to feel social I stay home and make fun of people with my fingers and that�s how I meet people I put sand in my throat and hope to soak up any remaining blood there I put myself out on the backdoor and wait to get picked up and it never comes by I guess I could go on and on about the merits of a dry lifestyle but nobody wants to hear that no way jose� I�ll put myself to sleep again I can�t remember what 27 Tuesdays� ago was like other people have this shit written down though other people remember these things like it was important am I just not doing anything important now I doubt that I play that guitar and boy I tell ya I play it and look at the wall for the sounds there is nothing else that�s going to do that keep going with the music before anything or anyone theme I keep going with that and I will have a box of bad tapes and broken guitar strings and a heart that feels like a stone I can build things with my hands now I can now count to ten when I feel the need and walk straight lines unlike any of them ever will be able to you'll see I�ll show someone the magic tricks someday I�ll show somebody how it feels to feel like this it�s not so bad I mean look at me now I feel like donald trump up in here.

before & after