So recently, I was told I called a dear female friend of mine a �dick tease�, or �cock tease� or something like that in here. I actually don�t remember it, but wouldn�t put it past me. But what I most likely meant to say, and will just go on record to say right now is, they�re all dick teases, they�re all cock teases, whatever you want to call them. I can honestly now say I don�t believe a single word out of any of their pretty little mouths, and if someone can actually prove me wrong, and show me something worthwhile in the shape of a female, I�ll give them twenty bucks�Now onto more important things�

I owe someone a soul or something I owe someone something because of bad karma I have accumulated in the past thirty-one years who knows what it is I actually did but I don�t really feel like I need any of this and again will just keep going on the record and repeating mantras I wouldn�t put in print as I�ll be labeled an asshole or a bastard fuck I know that I have no feelings for anyone but myself really I already knew that if that wasn�t the case I wouldn�t just ignore people and generally just not want to be around people they aren�t doing anything for me anymore there�s a whole new world out there there�s a whole new bowl of blood to dip my hands into now I have a rock band and I have a typewriter I have nothing else I have no one else a bunch of phone numbers and caller id crap a bunch of people with no fucking morals and no fucking respect for each other or themselves let them talk shit I�ll talk my shit and we can all be a big broken family that�s what it�s all about right let them suck their cocks and drink their blood of fellow vampires the vampires are out and they call me on the phone for advice this is what I tell them I tell them it�s not worth it I have no desire to love them I have no desire to respect them they lie they all lie more than I do they lie it�s sort of funny how much everything is different this past two weeks one night I�m doing things jesus told me not to the next night I�m here telling the world about it laughing at how insensitive I am towards girls in general irony it�s ironic that I think I�m going to meet the perfect girl or something yet I do things that would seem the contrary it�s all useless in the end the women you fuck because you want to get laid the girl you tell you love the girl that makes your heart move up and down in your throat the boy with the big bulge in his pants and head full of ideas about clouds and castles millions of miles away show me a man who doesn�t lie and I�ll show you a woman who doesn�t lie show me a dog that doesn�t piss on the rug show me something worthy of existence as it stands now there�s no need to go on like I do I actually call people and act like I�m interested when I just need a little bit of attention for the night this isn�t even me right now yeah I hate women that�s right they all suck when they don�t pay attention to me why do I pick the ones that have no clue what I want or who I am though why do I pick any of them when I know right off the bat what it looks like before the credits come up why do I bother because some day maybe someday it will be like it was before as it stands now though they can go fuck themselves I don�t want any part I don�t want to be touched I don�t want to be kissed I don�t want to flirt I don�t even want to be looked at and I certainly just want to be left alone for my birthday I can�t stress that enough I want no one for christmas I want a little white hot room with iced water and a book of poems about how hot the night is in the los angeles sun I want a record of saxophones and pianos that tell me when to stop and when to go I want a woman that knows what the word no means I want a woman that has a heart of steel not some week in the knees girl with a nine inch nails poster and a pierced eyebrow give me a fucking break already and get on with it it hurts to know that I am like this right now it hurts that I have a million issues inside my head and there�s not one single fucking person in the world even harry wasn�t home tonight when I called him there�s not a person out there that I can call right now as they are all taken care of for the night I make jokes all day sure I make the jokes and walk the walk and talk the talk but deep down way deep down I hate what I am doing right this very minute typing venom a million miles an hour only to come back a day later and make someone laugh talking about trips to nashville and girls with blue hair and ronnie james dio records as it is as it was though is that what they say I need some sort of new drug that�s what heather said to me last week well if heather needs a new drug than I need a new lifestyle everyone is happy and happy happy joy joy who is like this please call me at some point in your life if you have ever felt like this this isn�t me this is an exercise please do not take this personally please just let me do what this diary is for write something down instead of going out and killing someone or myself this is all I need all week let me just finish up and then I will be out of everyone�s hair I will never have another bad word to say about a girl as long as I live I promised this a whole bunch of years ago and look where it got me back to square one I�m in trouble real big trouble here I�m in for one long winter of let downs and let going of past feelings I already have been numbed and I haven�t even explained myself yet just don�t take me out to the pasture to feed me I just need a few minutes alone and then I will be okay just stop fucking with me all of you just stop fucking with me.

before & after