Some things I remember:

Watching the movie My Bloody Valentine as a young kid, and wanting to go out and kill people with a pitchfork.

The inside sleeve of Led Zeppelin�s Houses of the Holy

That dream about that bone thing coming out of my mouth that tasted like blood, but wasn�t a tooth, as it was hollow

Lipstick

Think he was going to stop me, and kill me

Slapping her coked out face

My friend Chris being killed by a tree and Budweiser

Throwing up while uncle Carmen babysat

Cat Stevens in concert as a little, little boy

Lighting a Laundromat on fire as a boy

Throwing rocks through windows of houses

Handcuffs

Gene Simmons ten rows away at the LA Forum

The drive in theatre, age 7 watching the film Grease

Having sex with a girl I barely knew, right after watching the film Grease at age 23

Susan, two weeks ago

Blind dates and bad dinner

Feeling alone in the hotel in Nashville

The air conditioned life

Cousin Kathy playing me a record called �Fragile� by a band called �Yes�

Throwing up beer and foam all over Jessica

Doctor Doolittle

Nightmares with no remedy

Hoping my nights can get shorter

I hope my nights get shorter. I ache all over right now. I�ve gotten no sleep all week. I�ve not been in the best mood all week. There are a few entertaining aspects of work currently, but for the most part, I feel like a zombie there everyday. A robot. Driving to and from work. The car. The office. The people. The avoided phone calls. The unanswered e-mails. I feel like I�m going down with the ship right now, anyone want to come? Nobody wants to ever come with me, what could I possibly be talking about. Todays day was long and uneventful. Phone calls. No relaxing. I need to get away for a night or two or three. I may try to do that next weekend. Go away on birthday evening for the weekend up north. I will have money. Shit, that�s what I want for my birthday, I want to get the fuck out of here, and away from everyone. Leave the cell phone at home with the power button switched to the �off� position. I have no more connections in this neighborhood. My history was short lived, and full of nothing. Full of contradictions, just like that one, �full of nothing�. Full of shit. How many people are full of shit now? Oh yeah, everyone is I wonder some nights when it�s going to get better when circles aren�t going to just keep going around in circles when the ship will slow down and let me off for a day or two as it stands now look at it this way the phone rings I pick it up I do the talk walk the walk but am apparently not doing something correct I wonder if it�s worth it to ever leave the house nowadays my ears are deaf and my mouth just lies I lied good this week all week I lied to people at work people in circles on the phone in the line at the convenient store at the guitar house I tried to just tell the truth for a night or two but it comes out sounding like I have a sock in my mouth no particular reason for me to fee this way except that nothing is getting done the way it�s supposed to get done I feel the aches and pains of old age and I need to stay home for the week sure I�ll go to the parties and try and smile and get in my car and drive real far and you can get in my fancy car and I can lie and say it�s paid for so is this watch and the ring I handed you it�s all paid for I make so much money now that it�s all paid for I tell you you won�t talk money with me we smoke our cigarettes and you are on your merry way what a scam it all is I agree with the statement that you can�t trust them I know it in my heart it has happened over and over websites ain�t going to help anyone out of this the stars are not going to change me this week perhaps next week they will though you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you what do you do? fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what what do you do? you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you(WHAT IS IT THAT YOU TRY TO DO?) fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into what do you do? me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what do you do? what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do what do you do? you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall what do you do?into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do you fall into me when i'm following what you do thanksgiving shows up it�s dark out early and you call me with ten questions another eleven questions later that night we answer them together and go our separate ways you can�t seem to understand the rule I set down on the table you just sort of ignore them and go on your was (what is it that you do?) skipping ahead three questions before I even answer the first one I know how you all are and I know what you all want to do to me I am not going to let it ever happen again I will act out my fantasies and make sure nothing like that goes down again because you and none of your like will bring me down watch how I disappear so you can�t find me you find me hiding under a rock with Jane Fonda and a six pack of diet coke you end up working your way towards me and I spit at you I say it�s for all of you everyone of you for putting me down here with them the weaklings and shy people the men who walk the walk but don�t talk the talk no arrest record just a high credit card bill from the flower store no cut up fists and sharp teeth from yelling at women no bruises for you to see in the mirror I give the glass of ice water and you wait until it�s luke warm and tell me it tastes like piss this is when I lose it and run out the back door pay my bills get in the car drive to Colorado and take off my sunglasses on some mountain you finally come up and find me there I tell you that all the water up there is cold and you should join me and the trees and empty cabins you say �OH, I JUST CAME TO RETURN THAT THING YOU LENT ME�.

before & after