Oh Joy!
2000-07-31 || League leader in rebounds
I can�t say enough bad things about anything. This sucks though. I don�t want any of this. I don�t want the stupid little conversations I don�t want any of the fucking noise. Let them all fucking jump off a building for all I care. I don�t visit because the window says visiting hours are now. I visit because I�m fucking bored. And If that�s not enough. I could never make sense to anyone anyway, so forget I ever said anything about anything. I�m done, take me out of the oven.A blank piece of paper for everyone to see to advertise all of this crap I hear they�re giving away free hugs down the street maybe we should all go we seem to want what we can�t have no sorry you�re not allowed any of that no sorry you get the hard work I never want to ever face that shit again every weekend it�s the same old face I see when I get home I don�t want anything to do with any of them they don�t help me with this sit there don�t worry I�ll pick myself up off of the floor late nights for nothing imagine if I broke down to one of those people that just kisses people out of sheer loneliness imagine if I stopped that low imagine if I became that guy imagine the look on my face when I got home yeah ummm jack daniels made me do it he told me I was lonely and needed to do that he told me best way is to just forget about emotion boys kiss girls because they want to get an erection for fifteen minutes girls kiss boys because they feel fat I kiss girls because I want to know why they feel fat I want to know why they are who they are I want to know that one I want to know this one I�m not lonely do I look fucking lonely to you do I look like I care what I�m wearing right now do I really have that much decoration on with the fucking hair and the piercings and the tattoos of barbed wire and the dreadlocks and the bad breath and the big thick tongue tonsillectomy I haven�t felt good inquisitive kisses in a good while I don�t feel like I have good weekends this weekend was an exception this weekend was a little different who is that someone they�re trying to hook you up with oh yes I can�t do it myself I have no idea what road I was supposed to drive down I get on one train I hate the ride you get on another train and tell me it�s the correct train to be on you get on my train and tell me I should learn how to drive better I can�t do it all by my lonesome I haven�t felt good and lonely the adoration comes from different angles and different parts of the globe it�s a line around the corner waiting to adore me and tell me I�m okay it�s a line of girls with really dark sunglasses on so they don�t have to see the whites of my eyes that�s why they always miss they never hit the target they�re supposed to hit they never feel like they�re doing it right because I can�t really tell them they�re doing it right I�m now 5 for 5 in rebounds this season I�m already getting my average evened out my statistics should look good for the season I think I haven�t been able to teach anyone to drive yet I can�t imagine anyone would want me to drive them drive someone to drink shit you�ve driven me to drink you ruined me I can�t imagine what it�s like to spin the bottle and end up in the closet to cure my loneliness for the night I can�t even imagine respecting those people I hold no regard for the weak ones who feel like that there�s no honor among them there�s nothing there except working blood and working hearts and minds well minds aren�t working stand here and look over at me and tell me how beautiful I am tell me you notice me from across the room and you want to feel me against you tonight just for tonight I have way too much on my mind right now there�s no way I can deal with you on a full time basis but for tonight just take to your place let�s drive around in your car and you can tell me that you know the true color of my eyes drive me around and make me feel wanted I want to drive in your car and make sure we don�t get hit by a truck just this once make sure you have your seatbelt on I don�t want to see you go through the windshield yet again imagine my surprise when after all this time I forget about all of that shit that clouded my mind months back over dinner and dessert and it comes back like a jack in the box jumping out at me last night some dude started talking to me at this party I ignored him for a second and then he looked pretty insulted and walked away from me that�s a great feeling to have someone just walk away from you some kid with 9 hits of ecstacy in his pocket and poetry book filled with words like moon and rose some guy doesn�t realize his conversation about how nice a night it is boring the living shit out of me well happy birthday to you and your friend also I look around and I see a cast from the night of the living dead and like a scared dog I scurry away did you ever see that movie with bill murray he knows what�s going to happen every day it�s the same day nothing has changed here no words are flowing around me like you want them to nothing else is coming out of me that I need to tell anyone I lie I lie and push myself forward yeah this is me yeah this is us so this mother fucker yesterday has not a bone of tact in him he is one of the most ungrateful fucks a person could know you get to know someone you become friends or whatever you want to call it you could really care less either way you do favors and they complain they don't thank you for your time served they just sit there and fucking complain they sit there and talk about themselves like they�re important drug addicts are such useless pieces of shit selfish people are next when it�s together it�s a bad combination it�s a waste of my time to be friends with some people it�s a real waste of my time to be friends with weak people people who don�t have an original bone in their body people who feel like they own the floor let�s get this straight you had a life changing weekend well so didn�t I only thing is next weekend it�s going to still be changed it�s not going to start at the beginning again that girl with the emotional problems and the fucked up mother makes me laugh she always tries to talk to me small talk whatever I always just end up walking away she is useless to me there�s nothing there but a nose that sucks things up and a mouth that talks from the ass let�s take a drive down to the beach because you want to let�s sit under the clear sky and look at constellations and airplanes disguised as shooting stars

before & after