Oh Joy!
2000-07-28 || Audio Daily Double
It's been raining and cloudy for as long as I can remember at this point. I feel sick tonight. I'm coning down with something from someone. Leave me in the house to dry out for the weekend. I have plans with 18 thousand different people this weeken, I don't think I can make it out though. Money is an issue, and how I feel in my chest and in my head physically is going to hold me back. Leave me at home to dry out. Leave me here to accept phone calls. Pay the man thirty-five cents and call me up. I'll be here all weekend collapsing on the floor. Breathing fire and bullshit all over the place. Leave me here to dry out and contemplate just what the hell this is all about now. Part Deux! Let's take it to the stage. Let's just leave me alone for a couple of days, my mouth is completely exhausted right now, my eyes are all over here, all over there. I could collapse right here from exhaustion. I'm confident that the exhaustion is coming from a mental imbalance right now. Something is causing my whole body to feel like shit right this very minute. Something is making me want to stay here all weekend. The sun will perhaps come out and help everyone out. I feel like I'm stuck inside of a car going nowhere. Dizzy. Oh fuck. Something rather spectacular has happened in the past week. Well, a couple of things. A rebirth. Rock and roll and stopwatches. Nothing spectacular ever happens to me, no matter how deep I dig. No matter how many times I try a different route, The map is completely covered with green highlighter right now. The roads are all exhausted. The stopwatches have all stopped. 7 years, 2 months, 4 days, 3 hours. The exact moment something spectacular happened. That long ago. I should toast everyone I know. Bon voyage!. Dinner would be great, shall I wear the black, or the grey, or the gray? Shall I just pick you all up, or will you just meet me down there. I'll be there right on time. No messing around right here. I always show up for these events. Roasting season kid. I'll drink to that. What'll you have then? A Scotch and that brunette. Nelson Algren told me it's okay to glamorize this. He told me not to get insecure about this. Forget the limousine. Forget the suit and tie. Just show up. Bring your best game face. I just want a mug of hot water, and for these leeches to get the fuck off my back. Can you hae that done for me? Do you have anything in a leech remover sir? I'll take world famous people who have stepped on me for 500 dollars Alex. I'd like to bet all of it. I'm confident. I'm pretty sure I know the answer. I'd be blind if I didn't have the answers for all of these questions. Or rather these questions for all of these answers you keep giving me. You thought you had all the answers, wasn't that a line from a Social Distortion record before they started sucking? They suck now. They all suck. Rock music in this year. Ha! Like there's going to be another Exile On Main Street, like there's going to be another Live At Leeds. Give me a break. Some 105 pound 22 year old kid with tattoos all over his body and metal sticking out of his face is going to revolutionize music. Or Mike Ness at this point in his careear is going to do anything important other than be a former junkie washed up punk rock singer. If he hadn't of destroyed that Dylan song on that solo album he put out last year I wouldn't be so upset with him. I am upset with him though. No candy for Mike Ness. No eyeliner for him. Take away his eyeliner privilidges effective at midnight tomorrow night. Give him someones soul, or help him find it. So yeah, I'll take the free dinner, and I'll take the fifteen minute phone call. I won't take the limousine to the show though. I take my car. I'm driving. Remember what I just told you about those roads? Well how the fuck are you going to drive? Girls can't drive. Girls and old people can't drive. They run into me. They cut me off, they drive too close to me. Ha. Good stereotype. Who made that one up? The same one that said my astrological sign is creative. My motto "I create". I have so many pains coming back and forth I need a back rub and a weekend of shitty science fiction movies to work myself back to reality. I need to make phone calls. Or better yet, receive phone calls. It's not in the book. You don't have my number. I'll give it to you after dinner. They all have it. Perhaps one of them will slip it to you under the table. Perhaps I will stay sober for the week. My mind has a habit of going down the wrong streets on the weekend. I usually can steer it. I can usually control where I want to go now. I can control myself. I can't control myself around her. i can't control myself on the phone. Pick up the phone, and just put it down. Laugh. Put the phone back in the cradle. Step away from the car and leave your weapon on the ground where we can see it. Please step away from the car. Please understand we're just trying to help. If you help us, we will help you. Pick up the phone and call home. Call that number. You don't even know that number. After dinner, go home and then we will call you. I get this phone call once a week. I get no phone call on the weekend. It's a weak end to a week. It's all I ever need. The calamity outside on the ground. Books and music inside. Words all over the place. The calamity back at the dinner table, and on into the late hours of the night. I'm going to retire early tonight. I'm going to retire from this early tonight. I have a whole host of friends at home to be with. That mirror over there just told me to go to sleep. What do I do then? I sleep and awake on the weekend. Everyone is out. Dress to kill. Put on your dick sucking lipstick, it's the weekend. Put on your best face. Put everything on the line for her. Put everything on the line for him. Tell them you will do anything in the world for them. Put it on that smooth linoleum table and wake up. This is not a game of solitaire.

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