Oh Joy!
2000-07-07 || No, is that so? Well I'll try and remember if I saw anything
Yikes, I'm still ready. I wrote all of that stuff before, and I still don't feel like shutting up. Shit, it's so easy to pick up the phone and call someone. There's people that would have talked to me tonight. I started the day without talking to one single person outside of work, and am ending it that way I guess. Through no fault of mine though, our communication at work was on the fritz. Is that even a word. There were days on vacation where I would be quiet all day. By the end of the night I was having deep discussions with myself about the woman on the other side of the Waffle House in my hotel room. Was she my type? You know what they say about judging a book by it's cover. I talked about it here earlier. Do I really have to fall in love with some girl with a nose ring and Doc Martens. Why not fall in love with some woman with baby blue tight cotton pants and a shirt with a giant kitten face on it? I hate the elitist thing people get caught up in. You belong to some sort of underground click, and immediately every social group or poverty level is under scrutiny. "White Trash", that's so stupid sounding. I try not to use that term much, it just seems as bad as using the "N word" or anything else like that. It's demeaning and generally uncool in my book. It's almost a well respected thing to call lower class white people now. I tell you though, I think I've met a million people who looked "white trash" that were the most honest people in the world, a lot cooler than the average alternative person you meet, who usually has some sort of attitude...which usually stems from the fact that their so worried about their clothes, if you don't comment they get snotty with you. Your eyebrow looks great with a ring through it I swear.

I'm going to look someone up in the phone book next week. Or maybe just go visit them at work. I really want to see them right now. I think it would be cool to see that person now. I wonder what the hell they are like right now. I'd love to see if it is the same as it was when I knew them. I always think of that person. I found a letter a while back, and have been curious ever since. Perhaps I'll visit them tomorrow when I get out of work. I have nothing else to do. Maybe I'll just go there at lunch and show up. Remember me? You want me back in your life right now. Immediately! Imagine that. It would be like some long lost friend showing up at your house with 7 suitcases and plopping them down on the floor. Okay, this is where I'm at right now. Let's do 7 years of catching up. Let's talk about the last time we saw each other. Remember that? You wanted something I had at the moment and would do anything for it. You wanted me to cheat on my girlfriend. I guess I did a little bit. I never gave you anything though. The guilt I had after that was the worst thing for a long time. After all, I did tell you after the first time that I would haunt you for the rest of your life. I think 7 years is a good enough amount of time to jump back at you and see what I can work up. Maybe some head games? Maybe just a normal friendship. It would be immature of me to even still hold a grudge this much longer. It would be stupid of me to make you think you're worth years and years of anguish in me...as you weren't, I was just reminded of you when I found that letter.Perhaps I'll bring it with me. Were you serious with this? I think that's exactly what I'll do, I'll bring the letter that is post marked something like "Feb 4th, 1990" and just not even say "Hello" just walk right in and say "were you fucking serious with this? Look me in the eye and tell me you're not serious". I'd like to continue an argement from 10 years ago now please and thank you. No, I'm not serious, I'd just like to see how she's doing. I care. Really.

Before my drive earlier tonight I went to read the newspaper in the coffee shop, there was an intensely beautiful woman reading a book called "four letters of love" sitting in there. We exchanged glances a few times. Her probably because she was scared of me : ) I hate that. Looking but not talking.

I have delusional thoughts of things I should not write here. I keep thinking of these couple of scenarios. Actually, I should stop myself on this right now.

before & after