I love John Coltrane in the afternoon. We unfortunately have the air conditioner on, which ruins the mood I�d love to be in right now.(hot, listening to the wild saxophone of this later era Trane stuff). We should be listening to smooth jazz with this air conditioner on right now. So at work, not sure where I�m at right now. I�ve been feeling pretty good all day now. For one thing, I lost 3 pounds in 4 days, maybe not the best way to lose some weight, but I�d rather be active than sitting around all the time. I�ve gotten into the work out thing, now I want to ask people to come and take long walks with me, as I only do a couple of different things at home. A bike is an option but�.sorry, I�m not really the bike type. Anyone reading this that knows me knows how silly I would look on a bike. Plus, I�m one of the people that hates when bikes are in the road, I always try and squeeze them into parked cars as much as possible in the city here. The obnoxious bike messengers usually get this treatment. I remember one particular incident where I beeped my horn right at the second I passed this white dork with dreadlocks on his bike. He got pissed because I alarmed him, just as he turned to start yelling at me he hit a car that was pulling out of a side street. He wasn�t going fast but it was quiet a sight to see his dreadlocks and poster tubes fly all over the hood of this guys car. So I try and do that whenever possible. So if you�re ever in Boston on your bike, stay on the fucking sidewalk where you belong. My car is a lot bigger than your bike : )

So work is going pretty good so far, not as much crap as I thought would be piled on my desk. I still would rather be by myself somewhere looking at mountains and blaring Led Zeppelin, but who wouldn�t?

I think that I have a zombie following me. Zombies following me around. Or better yet, robots. I�m a robot, but I have these other robots folllowing me everywhere I go. My whole life there�s been people around me that do the same fucking thing every day, same thing every weekend. No chances. They already took chances. Leaving the area of 2 miles is a very, very big deal. Doing something different is a big deal. I wish the winter would come and freeze these robots into oblivion and I would not even have to see them at all. I wish the robots would start saying different things. I wish that they wouldn�t comment on the same person here, and the same person there. Take this one that we know. She�s okay I guess, when I met her I thought she was a bitch, I grew to like here after a while. It�s now pretty evident what her main goals are: Hanging out with girls, �cute guys�, and probably eating pussy, who knows. Every time I see her I can see the bored look in her eye when she talks to me, I hope she doesn�t see the same in me, although I highly doubt it. She�s about as sharp as a butter knife. Selfish in the bad way, you know the bad way people are selfish. I�m selfish, I�m the most selfish person in the fucking world, but I�m allowed to be : ) Anyway, the robot boy was invited to a keg party this weekend. A going away party for the frat boy I think I�ve mentioned here before. I think I may go just because it would be funny and ironic. �Yes, I�m going to miss you a lot dude�. Matt said it best the other night �You moved up here to have a baby�. It�s true though. Unfortunately for the baby, as horrible as it sounds, the daddy is not going to be a good daddy. A head filled with delusions, and pseudo intellectual conversations about God, etc. What a joke. He�s the guy you see walking across the bar with either a pitcher of beer in his hand and a cup, or two different drinks in his hands. He�s the guy who will probably end up being the opposite of a martyr for his kid. I�ve met some people in my life that I just looked at and can see disaster and trouble in their eyes. �Something bad will happen to you�. Sure they may have �good karma�, but all the good karma and healing crap isn�t going to help a guy who just had 14 beers and is driving with sunglasses on at night. This guy will bite the dust probably before he�s 30. I�ll put $500 on that. Any takers? I need money right now. You could pay me up front if you�d like. So anyway, I think I may just stay home and masturbate instead of going to that going away thingy. Besides selling me some really shitty pot last week I don�t care to say goodbye to someone who probably has no idea what my last name is anyway. You would think maybe they would do something completely different for a going away party. Let�s do the same exact thing we do 6 nights a week to celebrate. When does the line between celebration and utter loserdom start? What are we celebrating? Oh, that life is good? Cheers mate.

She called me again last night. She always calls at the worst time. Covered in sweat I need to talk to you. Panting, I need to deal with your insecurity. She has so many fucking questions that I just don�t want to answer. There were a few times that I had to say �can you repeat that�, because I was watching the news. She�s so trivial with me. I have no desire to ever have a deep conversation. I have no desire to ever kiss her again. And I certainly have no desire to fall in love with her. She�s told me straight out how she feels. I wish I had it to do that to some people. I don�t think she understands me, She certainly doesn�t know me. Perhaps I should let her read this, except for this page. I�m a little bit attracted to her, and it�s great for the ego to know someone likes you like that, but I just don�t have the time or the space in my brain to like her. She�s just some girl I know at this point. Come to think of it, they�re all �just some girl I know� at this point.

before & after