I could easily lose myself in myself today, but I�m trying to be a bit more careful than that. Thinking too much is good for some people, but most of the time I need a little more action than toying with ideas inside my head on how I feel about this and how I feel about that. Improvisation has been my flavor for a few years now, and it�s been successful before, no reason why it can�t continue like that.Tonight I need a little bit off of life though. Currently my head feels like it weighs about 86.2 pounds, I got about 3 hours of sleep and woke up to rain and happiness. A strange mix indeed. Who knows, perhaps I will go out for an early thingy though. I never make it when I stay in.

I can�t think of (yes I�m all set Steve) anything today. Thoughts, as usual are running through me I just can�t stop and grab them as they are all over the place. One thing I do know though, when I find someone who I can sit with in silence and still feel comfortable then I know I�m on to something. If it�s not enough to just be together without having to always be talking or doing this or that, then it�s not good. I told myself that I would not talk about this here from now on, but I can�t help it at work less than 12 hours later. Who�s perfect. You know that feeling you get when you find someone, or get close to someone. It�s an overwhelming feeling that�s unlike anything you ever feel, it�s one of the best feelings I get high off of, and I feel it a bit right now.

The first time I ever fooled around with a girl was in the 8th grade. Jennifer Gookin. At the time(1983), she had very short hair. They called her �Olivia-Newton Gookin�, as well as some other things that were typical cruel urban myth things about her that I shouldn�t go into here.Okay, one of the nicknames was �carrot girl� or something like that. Use your imagination. So this was my first real live girlfriend. I can still remember the content yet nervous feelings when I went out with her. We went for dinner at Fantasy Island for Chinese food one night, and then went back to my house, where I learned how to kiss, and what a girl feels like to touch. I have no idea why this came to me today, but it did. I wonder where she is now, hopefully she got married and got rid of that horrid last name she was born with. I have absolutely no clue as to what her personality was like at that time, that�s something one could never remember, me at least. Back then you saw someone good looking and you wanted to go make out and listen to Bad Company in the woods.It�s a bit funny that I�ve had these same relationships throughout my life. The purely physical ones anyway. I don�t think I can ever feel a bigger difference between two things in my life. The empty feelings, being half satisfied. Random kissing and fucking women, although not something I�ve done millions of times, but it�s happened here and there is so unfulfilling. You might as well just go home and jerk off. The touch of someone that doesn�t mean anything to me besides a mouth and a body is useless to me. If there�s no substance at all I might as well be kissing a telephone pole.

before & after