I still don't know your name yet, and doubt I will, it's just the way it is with me. I need you, not in the traditional sense of needing someone. I need someone as sweet as you to think about all the time. Someone to remember when the day is shitty. You always seem to flash me a smile when I run into you. I'd love to know what you're thinking about when you're driving in your car at night by yourself. I'd like to know if you even drive in your car late at night by yourself. Perhaps you're driving with your "him" and talking about nothing in particular. I just want to know that you're as nice as you seem on the outside, in the strange relationship we have. You definitely remind me of my last girlfriend. You don't really look like her, maybe the same little height, definitely the same nationality with the dark hair, eyes, and facial features. You don't "look" like her, you just "seem" like her in a way. Who knows. As it stands now, I'll most likely never know where you're ticklish, and how you hated your father when you were younger because he wouldn't buy you a bike. Let's get in my car some Sunday afternoon and drive up the coast of Maine stopping now and then to look out at the ocean and walk on the rocks. I'd love to be able to brush the hair out of your face from the chilly New England wind and kiss your cold cheek. I hate the fact that when I see you I am seeing straight and I say goodbye to you while my eyes are shaking and my walk is crooked. I feel like I'd be violating some sort of unwritten rule if I ever tried to cross the line with you. You must get it every night, how am I any different. I guess I'm different because I just want to just call you to say hello in the middle of the day.

So I got my tickets to Phish in Tennessee, as well as North Carolina. I made a small preliminary map out of the route I may take. Dorian has expressed a little interest in going, she's from Atlanta originally, and still has family and friends there, so I suggested her going with me, and I could drop her in Atlanta on my way to N.C. I have a few days to kill between shows so it could work out. It would be pleasant to have company with me this time. I think I would last a bit longer than last years disaster. Especially the last five days. Whatever happens, I am going to start booking motels and getting the details worked out this week. Thank God I get paid vacations at work. I can get the vacation pay upfront as well as the check I conveniently get the day before I leave, so I'll have 4 weeks pay in the bank. The one thing I have been able to do on these trips is manage money well. Last year I only spent a tiny bit of money on CD's, which was surprising. I'm sure if I am in Nashville I will spend quite a bit more though. I will stay away from Memphis for this reason. I would easily drop $200 on music if I went there...I look forward to being a tourist.

I now look forward to the bed as well...

out-

before & after