I don't want to leave the house all weekend. I have a party I'm invited to tomorrow that I will most likely attend, I just feel very insecure, and blah right now. Why is this like this? One day I'm happy as a pig in shit, now I feel like nothing around me is good, nobody likes me, blah blah blah. Such is the case tonight though. I get in these moods when I just can't relate to anything or anyone, or at least I think I can't. I know deep down there's nothing wrong, but again it goes with the whole if you're well physically, you'll be well mentally. I just haven't been able to get any energy going at all the past few months. The result of this has been, smoking more, eating more shit, not being able to wake up early in the morning, staying up late, not having a personality, and fucking drinking. I hated drinking for years! Tonight I went out and had a couple of drinks, and just couldn't finish the second one. I don't know if it was all of the above shit, or I just wasn't in the mood. Regardless, it was too late to go out by the time I got done with band rehearsal, but I had made plans with Annu, as well as Dorian and Heather. By the time I picked Annu up, she wanted to "be out" so we went for drinks, and both sort of sat there feeling unfulfilled. I wish I had gone to Dorians though instead. I needed a quiet night relaxed, it feels "comfortable" over there with Heather and her. I don't think there's anyone else around here I feel more comfortable around at this point. Everyone else makes me feel uneasy and untrusting. Wait that's not true. Everyone is good...they're just extra better I guess...

Now I go to bed with these extra heavy eyes of mine

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before & after