I feel bad, I stole my friends idea of putting the name of the record or cd you happen to be on at the moment at the top of the entry. Oh well, I think she stole it from me anyway...right.

Today was a long day, well, at work anyway. The day seemed to be far too long. One of those days where you look at the clock and it's 3:15pm, and then 45 minutes later you look at it, and it's 3:22. Tonight I just hung out at a friends house and watched some horrid thing on television with people doing "amazing things" like juggling chainsaws, balancing tables on their chins, etc. Enough about that though.

I saw my friend in the coffee shop tonight who I have had an interest in since the first time I saw her come in there for an interview. I was sitting there reading, and she came in. We didn't make eye contact at first. After she got the job there, I became friendly with her, and have become good friends with her now. Years later, I still don't know when it is safe to bring up any other feelings you may have for them. Well, actually I do, but I always fuck it up somehow. Certain people I just need to feel completely comfortable around. I'm beginning to feel that now, but almost feel like that's a cue to just remain a good friend. Who knows, I change my mind like the weather with this stuff. I don't really feel "desperate", I just have all these great women I meet, or hang around with, and being single along with them is a peculiar thing. My other girlfriends have all been friends, or people I knew for a little while amyway. Whatever though. The past 3 or 4 days I've kind of put any of that stuff in the back of my mind, it's all just trivial stuff when I step back and look at it. I feel embarassed that I even discuss this shit to my friends. Am I 16 years old again? -"Should I tell her I like her?"-

The band is finally writing some good songs. The music is a bit darker, with the melody, and we're trying to get more vocals going in the songs. Before, I just wrote one verse, sang it twice and then we played our guitars and drunms, etc. We have a new song I wrote called "Paul Stanley"(Kiss singer/guitarist), it's sort of about being out in the summer with this rich punk rock girl I used to hang around with all the time, whom I just ran into recently and had a rather interesting evening with her. Anyway, I was remembering when I hung out with her 10 years ago, we spent alot of time outside in the summer heat drinking. I miss being young. Not that I'm terribly old or anything, but I see some of my friends who are 5 or 6 years younger than me, and they have tons of energy to go out all the time, and are always up for some adventure. Me, I have to build up to it. "You want to go swimming? Are you fucking crazy? Who the fuck goes swimming?" "You want to stay up for 48 hours doing coke and listening to techno music? I have a reservation in my bedroom at 11pm with Stan Getz and a cup of coffee. Get outta here kid". I guess if I just get off my lazy ass I can fill myself wth energy. I feel a little more lightened up so to speak right now. Once this weather arrives I get much more energy. I haven't been as moody(oh yeah, I was yesterday : ) ) and depressed. There really is nothing for me to be depressed about at this point. I'm alive, I'm working. Big deal, I don't have a "partner", someone will come along when I least expect it. If not I'll just have to....do nothing and be depressed I guess.

out-

before & after