| Oh Joy! | ||
| 2000-03-29 || strong drinks, weak women | ||
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It's funny how little I have to say in the morning, and how much I have to say in the evening. I was up pretty late last night making a mix cd for myself. I have a "waiting list" of CD's to make for folks. Well, actually only one. All of my 18 personalities are waiting for different ones for the different moods they are always in. You have to be careful when you make one for a girl though. Make sure you don't use certain words. Depending on the status of the relationship. If she is not responding to you, you'd put things like "Lush Life" on there. If you want to embarass yourself, and are not shy then you should put things like "I'll make love to you" by Boyz II Men on there. That is if you have that song anywhere. I don't... A week ago I was writing in my private journal, with a pen(people still use pens and pencils!) and said most of my friends are women. The more I think of that, the more depressed I get. I have all these great women around me, but I'm still single. Perhaps I'll tell them I'm gay and then I'll have "permission" to be closer and more physical with them. For some reason if you're gay you get to watch your girl friends undress and things like that. You basically get more information. Right... This week I made some decisions that were not like me. Telling a long term friend that I wanted to "take it to the next level" so to speak. I never do things like that if I don't think the timing is correct. Who knows if the timing was right, it felt right at the time(yes, in the face of guilt over something not too big, disclose some bigger information to take away from what you thought was a mistake, that's it!). Regardless, the relationship is the same as it was 11 days ago,I just now feel a little silly. Boys will be boys indeed. Taking on this exercise regiment again feels good. At least I have something to come home/ wake up to every day that actually has a positive effect on me. I wonder all the time of too much social interaction has a negative effect on me. I get too judgemental. Like with drinking alcohol. For years and years I've gone off and on with it.Like the weather. One day I'm Carry Nation(smashing all the bootleg liquor barrels during the prohibition), and the next I'm Charles Bukowski ready for strong drinks and weak women. I know why I'm like this, but don't really like to admit it, so I'm going to shut up about it right now. Let's just say right now I feel like Bukowski. Especially last Friday night. I woke up last Friday single, not thinking I'd be driving home swerving from lane to lane with lipstick all over my face later that night. But such is life, and the little fates it hands us. Who would have thunk I would run into an old flame though? Not I. I think I wrote her off 5 years ago. I always thought she would be a great kisser though, and I was correct. As of next Monday, I start my 3 month "work your ass of a million hours so your vacation in June just feels better". I should probably think about going to work right now. |
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