Oh Joy!
2004-07-12 || Chinese food walks into Auschwitss
Soundtrack � Alice Cooper � Killers

Just got back from the Philadelphia trip, which was great.

I had to take my belt off five times going through different security checkpoints throughout the weekend. We got in around 10 AM on Saturday and the game wasn�t until 1:00, so we took a drive in the rented Pontiac Grand Am to the city. We finally made it to the ballpark around noon. I don�t think I�ve ever sweated that much in my life. The baseball park was beautiful, not many Red Sox fans there, yet not many dirty looks, or negative comments until later in the weekend, as Christian and I were both sporting some Red Sox shit. There was not a cloud in the sky, we had seats so close you could see the hairs on the player�s faces, but we were completely exposed to the sun, which felt like 110 degrees. The Phillies lost the game, which didn�t really affect us in any way, we still had fun hanging out at the park.

We then went to the hotel, which was in Rittenhouse Square, The Sheraton. Christian has some American Express Platinum card, so we got this crazy room on a �preferred guest� floor. This also gave us access to this happy hour type thing going on across from our room. I thought it was going to be in some lounge type place, but it was in what was a large suite with some Middle Eastern guy watching a big screen TV on these plush couches and two women in there offering food and drinks, all of which were free. I felt a little odd. I ate some of the appetizers, and they had this big porch on the roof we sat on briefly before heading over to Nodding Head for dinner. (thanks Zanti) I ate the Muffaletta sandwich, which the waitress proclaimed was �the greatest sandwich in the world�. It was pretty damn good. I then wanted to take Christian down to South Street, and maybe buy some music, get some coffee or whatever. What followed was a complete and utter breakdown in following directions. I generally never walk, but we decided to walk to South Street from the Nodding Head place. If you�re reading this, and you�re from Philadelphia, or are familiar with the area, here�s the fucked up route we took:

We went north and eventually found us at that Love statue, kept going north up Benjamin Franklin Parkway where we came upon a big fountain filled with black children running around. We thought we may have been going the wrong way, yet we kept going north anyway until we almost got to the Museum of Art and turned around (we had a map with us for this that we checked frequently.) Finally we headed due south and ended up at City Hall, then headed west for some reason, finally going south on 20th Street and found South Street, just 85,000 blocks west of the part of South Street we wanted to be on. Once we got closer there were policemen everywhere. We had been walking for like 2 hours by this point (checking the Red Sox score on my cell phone every three minutes). Policeman were present on every corner, and literally the most black people I have ever seen in my life, and I�ve been lost in Compton, as well as The Bronx before. It must have been 479 degrees during this whole walk (by the way, I had jeans on this whole day, the baseball field, and during this long walk). Nothing we really wanted to go in was open so we just walked and then headed back to the hotel. On the way back up 3rd Street, some white niggers walking with their girlfriends walked by us and one of them yelled back �What the fuck are you looking at? Fucking faggots� It�s pretty funny that douche bags like this still exist. Hopefully their girlfriends will cheat on them with actual black dudes at some point. These are the times you really wish you had a gun. If I had a gun, I would definitely not hesitate murdering two shitheads like that. Anyway, once we made it up to Market St and realized we would never figure out what the fuck we were doing, we hailed a cab and rested out feet. Damn.

Once back at the hotel Christian got in bed and I was still a little awake so I went and sat on a park bench in Rittenhouse Square in the park for a while watching the people in this foreign city. The air was intense with heat that late at night, and intense with people coming and going. This was one of my favorite moments of the trip.

This morning we ate breakfast at a place called The Marathon Grill which was pretty good. With some time to kill before the plane, we saw the Liberty Bell, and then walked to the waterfront where the �2004 Hispanic Fiesta� was. At this point I had done enough walking in the heat to make an Iraqi jealous.

We saw the guy who pitched the game yesterday in the airport with his family. Here he is not in his Phillies uniform. Exciting.

So I now have blisters on my feet, and tomorrow it�s back to work. My mind is so fucking out of it at work lately, that I don�t know how longer I can go on without spiraling into a shitty worker who ends up getting fired for incompetence. Since I stopped smoking pot, it�s actually harder to concentrate. This weekend I only smoked about a pack of cigarettes�and got some exercise.

You fucked

I still have not heard back from that Jew about the gig. I already told the guy not to book their band, so even if he did by chance get back to me we�d have to say �no�. I mean how hard is it to just shoot someone an e-mail and say �Sorry, we can�t do it�?

I hate people that talk and talk loud. People who talk loud should have their fucking tongues dipped in boiling hot horse cum. Every restaurant you go to, every bar you go to, every line you�re waiting in, there�s some shitbag holding a conversation with someone that everyone needs to hear.

I didn�t enter one business establishment that carried music this weekend.

Can you imagine liking that movie The Pianist?

Nice dog

I really wish they would just hurry up and blow up the whole Middle East, Washington DC, and New York City, I�m sick of hearing about all of these places.

I�m going to wear long sleeves for the rest of the summer. It looks like my left arm has AIDS now. I refuse to wear shorts, as I�m not a faggot, or a white guy. We saw a white guy with light blue shorts

Wait I had something interesting to say � I�m sick of the summer already, it�s hot and miserable. I was glad to come back here and feel a cool breeze. Any person who likes the summer is a fucking kuntlicker.

The girl sitting next to me prayed when the plane took off.

Country music, well the old stuff, this George Jones that is up on now is good. I can�t care about rock music. Like new rock music. Some of these idiots on the message board talking about Ozzfest and how great Black Sabbath and Slayer were. There is no possible way that either of those bands can be remotely good in the year 2004 to me. The whole scene of people with guitars, a bass, a drummer, and a singer is uninteresting to me. I have to sit through bands when we play out, and while some of them may be nice people. But I haven�t seen a good rock band in a club in 20 years probably. It�s so uninteresting it challenges me on a daily basis to even want to play that kind of music anymore. There are assholes out there that think the new Cure record is important. There are assholes out there that think punk rock is still relevant, or was relevant at one point for that matter. There are assholes out there that are blown away by 4 20 year olds jumping around on stage with guitars singing about women. I don�t want to jump around on stage. I don�t want to sing about women. Fuck women, what the fuck do I want to sing about them for? I don�t want to sing about George Bush. Frank Zappa was right, �shut up and play your guitar�. If I didn�t write completely awful lyrics and have the worst voice in the history of the world I wouldn�t care but seriously, who am I trying to kid here? The only obsessive love songs I can listen to right now are these Hank Williams ones.

I would like to see that new film about Cole Porter. I read a biography of him (the second biography about a gay guy � wait, that�s not true, I read a biography of Duke Ellington�s collaborator, Billy Strayhorn. Forget that I said that. Or wrote that rather.

How�s the air over there?

before & after