|2004-06-29 || AXYDLBAAXR is LONGFELLOW
Soundtrack � Some Dizzy Gillespie joint
How can I out clever you? Hmm, what kind of hand bag are you? How many times have you umm, yeah?
So on the way home from work, on a road that is kind of narrow and winding near my house, traffic slowed down to about 15-20 mph. I look up ahead, and there is a fucking buggy with two horses pulling it! What the fuck does an asshole have to do to get home from work without being held up by people FUCKING TRAVELLING BY HORSE??? Seriously, what the fuck? I don�t come down to your place of work and slap the dick out of your mouth.
And another thing, I fucking hate black people!
Just kidding, how could I not just hate white people?
Not to get all Chris Rock, but only white people go camping. What the fuck does someone want to go camping for? There�s nothing to do there. I�m forced to camp this summer at the big hippie festival�but actually not! I�ve decided to turn my truck into the multimedia epicenter that my bedroom currently is with a homemade bed made of plywood and 2 x 4s (useless kunty shitty looking assholes sleep on soft beds), a laptop that basically just has Office on it for writing, a small radio with plenty of batteries to put me to sleep at night, maybe a little lantern, some books, and windows! We got windows! Did I mention the windows? This room I�m in now has two doors, one window. This traveling multimedia epicenter has 5 doors and 8 windows, 4 of which you can open. Speaking of doors, when you put some of these numbers together, things start getting interesting. 5 doors x 8 windows is 40 things, add the 4 windows that you can open, and then subtract 1 of them, and you have the number 43. Jim Morrison was born in the year 1943. If you take the number 43, and add the number 40, which we got when we multiplied the number of �things�, you come up with 83. I will probably utilize the 4 windows about 3 times, if you multiply 4 by 3 you get 12, subtract that from 83, and you get the number 71. Jim Morrison died in the year 1971! That�s not all. Say I were to keep the windows open the whole time. You know, the 4 windows we talked about, if I kept them open the whole time, it would allow us to subtract 4 from that 43 we came up with earlier. We now come up with the number 39! Ray Manzarek was born in the year 1939! If you add the numbers 39 and 43, you come up with 82. Nothing really can be done with the number 82. However, if you add the numbers 1939 and 1943, you come up with the number 3912. If you flip this number around, and substitute the numbers for letters, in order like 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc, you come up with the number 2193, or the letters B.A.I.C. Switch these letters around a little, and substitute the letter K for the similar sounding letter C and you come with B.I.A.K, or Biak, The largest of the Schouten Islands of Indonesia, off the northwest coast of New Guinea. This is where Jim Morrison is now living. If this isn�t as obvious as a heart attack I don�t know what is.
I quite enjoy the Rufus song �Tell Me Something Good�. I imagine a tall thin black woman in a taupe jumpsuit snorting coke off of my gigantic black cock when I hear this song. What does this song make you picture? What kind of hand bag are you?
The really question you need to ask yourself is �what kind of douche bag are you?� Go look in the mirror and ask yourself that.
Tomorrow is the start of the three day Red Sox-Yankees series in NYC. I think we�ll take two out of three. I think our bats are starting to heat up. Tomorrow night will be a high scoring game for both sides. I wonder what kind of hand bag Derek Jeter is?
This weekend is Independence Day in the United States of America! How sick is this? I love it. I feel independent from other countries. I like that we rely on Fox News for everything! I like that we just started allowing black people to vote a few years before I was born! I love guns! I love that most popular forms of art are so manufactured at this point in time it�s impossible to distinguish irony in any form! Give me a fucking hamburger and a firecracker because of all of this!