�Out of celery�
I would fuck Roseanne Barr in the ass for a week straight rather than look at Cameron Diaz again. Roseanne and I have the same birthday. Cameron Diaz though, she looks like a fucking frog with AIDS or something freaky like that. I like Roseanne Barr and Margaret Cho, I don�t care what anyone says about it.
$
�Inside the mind of Richard Grieco�
A long weekend approaches, who will be completely fucking killed to death? Actually, I was thinking it should be a relaxing weekend. We have the gig next weekend, the last one for the summer perhaps. It seems like we�re playing a ton of gigs, but we�re not really. Anyway, next Friday should be a good time as it�s in Salem, which is always good. Hopefully some people will show up.
$
�Hot peanut oil all over your genitals�
The guy who played bass on the last Pink record completely fucked up on tequila and Xanax walks into a pharmacy and asks the woman behind the counter for directions to Scotland.
$
�Your 14 year old pussy tastes like vanilla ice cream�
I must admit I�m a little bummed out about the band I�ve spent the last 14 years of my life enjoying breaking up at the end of the summer. Thankfully I have tickets to see six more shows of the 13 left, which will bring my total to 86 times in 13 different states over 14 years. The interview on the Charlie Rose show was great last night. The best part was Trey saying �people in their 30�s understand this more�. I�d like to move along as well. It was a great run that let me travel all over and meet people and blah blah blah. What a bummer though.
$
�Jethro Tull � Live in Concert, Auschwitz�
That black guy at work, who refers to Chinese food as �Bruce Lee food� was laughing when I walked by him today. In a nice sense of irony, the new IS guy at work, who is Chinese asked him if he watched a lot of basketball. That black guy at work is a nice guy, I talk to him every day about baseball (he�s a Yankees fan), people getting shot in his neighborhood on a weekly basis, and whatever shitty action movie he recently saw. I think I could probably write essays on every DMX movie ever filmed at this point.
$
�Unicorn coming soon�
Hispanic on the streets of London
Hispanic on the streets of Birmingham
I wonder to myself
Could life ever be sane again?
The Leeds side-streets that you slip down
$
�Red wine, a bag of carrots, and the new Lou Rawls CD�
Eddie W. Peachtickets would come to my house in the summer months and bring homemade lemonade; we would sit on the porch and talk about different women we dated, how the Braves were doing, and the railroad. Eddie W. Peachtickets was the kind of guy you could count on. I don�t think he had any enemies, that Eddie W. Peachtickets. I bet Eddie W. Peachtickets is somewhere right now helping someone out with something. A very unselfish man, Eddie W. Peachtickets. The first time I met Eddie W. Peachtickets was in the shop with Darren Hedgehogger, Phyllis Dementia, and Natalie Nightwings. Darren Hedgehogger, Phyllis Dementia, and Natalie Nightwings and I were discussing a recent fight out in front of the firehouse involving Chet Chickarini and Ned Slapadino. Evidently Ned Slapadino called Chet Chickarini�s wife a two-timing piece of trash to Larry Lasagna. Chet Chickarini caught wind of this from a friend and went down to confront Ned Slapadino. Anyway, Darren Hedgehogger, Phyllis Dementia, and Natalie Nightwings and I were discussing this fight in the body shop when Eddie W. Peachtickets walked in and asked if we could help him move a chair into his van that had fallen out when he stepped on the accelerator at a red light on the corner; we happily obliged, and then invited Eddie W. Peachtickets to join us for a cup of coffee and some conversation. Darren Hedgehogger, Phyllis Dementia, and Natalie Nightwings ended up leaving around midnight, and Eddie W. Peachtickets and I sat around talking about boats and Bob Hope movies for a few more hours. Thus began a long friendship with Eddie W. Peachtickets that continues to this day. Albeit it�s via phone, as I�ve since left town, I still consider Eddie W. Peachtickets to be one of best friends in the world.
$
�How many men in makeup does it take to get AIDS and fuck you cocksuckers!�
YOU GOT ON THE SHIP AND SHIT BLOOD ON THE DECK
THIS IS THE SONG ABOUT A CAR CALLED RED BARCHETTA
YOU GOT ON ALL OF THE CRUISE SHIPS FILLED WITH PISS AND VINEGAR
YOU GOT YOURSELF INTO OVERDRIVE WITH THE SHITTING ON THE DECK
HOW MUCH BLOOD AND MUCUS IS IN YOUR SHIT?
DIP COTTON CANDY IN A VAT OF UNICORN BLOOD
DIP COTTON CANDY IN A VAT OF UNICORN BLOOD
YOU WILL SURELY BE ON YOUR WAY
DIP THE CELERY STALK IN THE RIVER OF MYSTICAL MICROWORMS
DIP YOUR GENITALS!
TEACH WILFRED BRIMLEY HOW TO FELCH
TEACH YOURSELF HOW TO BECOME GOD
WITHIN YOU IN THE FIRE TO BECOME GOD
YOU SHOULD BECOME GOD
TURN YOURSELF INTO AN ELCTRIC PRIEST FROM AGHAKKHA!
SIDNEY, I HAVE YOUR MUSHROOM OMELLETTE HERE!
SIDNEY, YOU NEED TO CALL YOUR FATHER
DIG UP THE CORPSE OF BOB HOPE!
SIDNEY, DIG THAT CORPSE UP AND CALL YOUR FATHER
YOUR HAIR IS A MESS!
FUCK A CUNTY NEGRESS IN THE FUCKHOLE!
SUCK CUCKA DOODOO HOLES
YOU HAVE THE TICKET
THE ONLY TICKET THERE IS
YOU HAVE THE TICKET TO HEAVEN
YOU HAVE THE FEELING
HOW MANY TIMES IS YOUR CORPSE GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU?
SMOKE A PIPE FILLED WITH THE FINGERNAILS
SMOKE CHET BAKER
FUCK HIM
SUCK TITS
JERRY GARCIA IS NOW ALIVE AGAIN AND LIVING INSIDE MY BAG OF POT
JERRY GARCIA IS ALIVE AGAIN, I KNOW THIS
JIM MORRISON, IN THE SHAPE OF A CAMEL HAS COME TO ME TO TELL ME
MR MOJO RISING TOLD ME TO GET OUT WHILE I CAN
FIVE TO ONE BABY ONE IN FIVE
NO ONE HERE GETS OUT WITHOUT WATCHING AN EPISODE OF PARTY OF FIVE!
THE PSYCHOLOGIST WHO LISTENED TO ME SAY �I DON�T KNOW�
THAT MAN, BEARDED
HOW MANY WOMEN WITH BROKEN LEGS HAS HE DATED?
HOW MANY TIMES HAS HE CRIED HIMSELF TO SLEEP?
HOW MANY LITTLE BOYS CAN HE FUCK IN ONE NIGHT?
I BET JIM MORRISON COULD FUCK A BUSLOAD OF GRAPEFRUIT
I BET JIM MORRISON WOULD RISE UP AGAIN
JIM MORRISON FOR PRESIDENT
JIM MORRISON FOR PRESIDENT
FUCKING JIM MORRISON LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, JIM MORRISON
IS EVERYBODY IN?!?!
OSAMA, YES SON, I WANT TO KILL YOU!
LIZARDS FOR OIL!
LIZARD KINGS FOR OIL
SCRATCH TICKET NATION HAS JUST BEGUN
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN YOUR ONLY SON?
TURN THE BOTTLE OF RED WINE UPSIDE DOWN
A FEW MORE DROPS LEFT YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT
EVER SEE A RABBIT WITH EYE GLASSES?
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