Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I hope you�re wearing panties.

Went to Maine for the weekend with Jodie. We saw a number of lighthouses, a number of fucked up people, and a number of people driving in front of me that were going too slooooow.

On Saturday night I had what would be one of my top five worst meals I�ve ever eaten in my life. Without further ado:

1) Denny�s � 1993/1994? Late night chicken sandwich. I asked for no tomatoes. Got tomatoes, melted in with the cheese and everything, making it a mess and hard to remove from the sandwich. French fries, completely soggy.

2) Waffle House, Nashville, TN � 6/22/00 My second experience at Waffle House in 24 hours on my trip to Tennessee was a culinary disaster from the start. The coffee was old and burnt tasting. The eggs were too runny to qualify for �over-medium�. The sausage patty was absolutely disgusting.

3) Unknown � April 2003 � At one point in the month of April 2003 I ate shit. I came down with some disease that gave me diarrhea every day over and over so bad that I lost 15 pounds in about 10 days, and was shitting what looked like lemonade by the end of it. My doctor diagnosed me with Giardia. Wait, didn�t that guy start that band Angel? Oh no, that was Giuffria. Giardia is contracted from eating excrement.

4) Cambridge House of Pizza - Summer or spring 2003. The oregano covered cheeseburger incident. Who the fuck puts oregano on red meat? Not me, certainly not on a burger. Oregano, unless it�s light in a tomato based sauce, makes me gag. This cheeseburger was the most disgusting cheeseburger I�ve ever eaten in my life. Well, I took one bite, and then threw it out.

5) Para�s Pizza, Wells, ME 4/17/04 � The completely fucking raw French fries and cheeseburger that tastes and looks like a large hockey puck incident. That is all.

I bought an X-Box at the start of the weekend. It only burned a slight hole in my life though. Jodie was here, and when we weren�t here, we were in Maine. Tonight I will most likely never go to sleep.

I should have more to say when I�m not getting paid for it, and the sun is down.

before & after