Oh Joy!
2004-01-26 || let's talk about El Debarge
Soundtrack Ė Masada Ė 5

ďOoooh, Iím gonna cum all over your feetĒ

That just may be my favorite line from a pornographic movie. With my recent foot problems, I decided to try this remedy and see if anything happened. I decided this on Saturday afternoon in the handicapped stall of the menís room in Best Buy, Danvers, MA. Plenty of room to move around, and hopefully I wouldnít have an accident like the time I jerked off in the office bathroom here at work and got it all over my shirt by accident.

So I make my way into the luxurious spacious handicapped stall of the menís room in Best Buy, Danvers, MA with the sole purpose of curing my left foot ailment. Thankfully, my gigantic Italian cock swings a little to the left, so this should be easy! I take my left shoe off, followed by my sock, and place it down on a little floor mat I made out of paper towels, toilet paper, and a business reply card from Car and Driver that was in there.

Iím standing above the toilet, as if Iím going to piss in it and start working it a little, going through different scenarios in my head: Jennifer Love Hewitt on a beach with a cucumber sticking out of her ass, Hilary Duff taking her driving test naked, Molly Ringwald circa 1985 riding me in the back of a Ford Tempo with her favorite band, The Rave-Upís (ďyou lost it all when you lost meÖĒ) playing on the CASSETTE deck. I finally settle in on Laura Bush, from behind, wearing a Fidel Castro mask. Iím now harder than a James Joyce book to a retarded black nun.

Itís coming, and now I have that ďpre-cumĒ stuff coming out of the head of my gigantic Italian cock. You know, you can take your thumb and rub it all over the head and make it glisten like a cheap Wal-Mart diamond. Itís well on itís way to coming out. I now need to figure out how to get it on my left foot while itís pointing at Mars, whereas it should be pointing towards China. I can feel it just about to explode all over the place when I hear two guys come in to the bathroom talking ďDude, Biker Boyz is going to look great on that TVĒ

Fuck! What the fuck. I cannot essplode cum all over the luxurious handicapped menís room of Best Buy, Danvers, MA if I have that movie in my head now. Now Iím picturing those Japanese motorcycles and muscular dudes in helmets with the shades tinted out, etc. I canít essplode. What the fuck?

I zip up, and make my way back out to the consumers and big tv sets, limping like an old man.

Iíll go to the doctor this week if it doesnít get any better.

Aside from maybe Aarne, every guy I know is pussy whipped. Makes me want to say what Jeff Spicoli says to the guy interviewing him from ABC near the end of Fast Times.

How long will it take anyone to realize what they have ahead of them? When itís too late? Eh

before & after