|2003-10-24 || jewish, rich and cocky
Soundtrack � Count Basie � Atomic Basie
Let me ask you something�are you aware of anything at all? Do you ever pay attention, or have any memory of what we may have talked about years ago? Do you have any clue that there is a small group of people with a large amount of respect for you? Unfortunately, there is also a large group of people with no respect for you. I remember once I cared. I remember once caring about you. I remember once having casual conversations with random friends in this now broken circle of friends. The news of you would come up here and there about where you were living, what you were doing with yourself, and who wanted to kill you at any particular time. Sometimes I wish for your demise. I wish someone would end you. It�s difficult to think that at one time I would have done anything to remain at least an acquaintance with you, now I could care less. I am moving along slowly, and just assume you are moving along in some regard that I couldn�t care less about. There are far too many people who just ignore me, including most of my friends and family. You ask something, and they either ignore you, or don�t pay attention because of whatever else they may have going on. This happens on a daily basis. These people, and you will all be fucking ignored now. I couldn�t care less about what happens to you at this point. Your obituary will be skimmed through, and put in the trash barrel amongst cigarettes, wadded up tissue, and empty coffee cups. At this point, you and everyone else in the world is worth about that much to me. You have ten seconds to respond to this before I change my mind.
I�ve decided to learn how to ride a motorcycle. Actually, that�s not true, I�ve decided to learn how to paint. Just walls and houses. I want a physical job. I want to do physical labor. I hate these fucking office jobs. I feel like a fucking tool sitting at a desk fucking typing all day. I feel like a fucking tool sitting here wasting the time of others. I am fucking retarded and they all know it. I am grateful I don�t have to wear a tie or anything homoerotic like that. I don�t want to answer the phone anymore and talk to contacts and people and shit talkers. I want to walk around and lift heavy shit, build things, and go home, eat steak and watch hockey. I want to piss whiskey, and drink black coffee and pick up prostitutes and drive a truck and listen to rock music. Since when did I lose it?
Hi, I'm gay, black and dead