�18 Pictures of Horses Fucking (or explanations of them)

� When you have a new car stereo installed, a nice expensive one, never put your address down on the invoice. The men working there work in teams and then tell their friends where you live. Those men then come and steal said new car stereo from your automobile.

� Women named Linda are generally bad people (if your name is Linda and you happen to be reading this, you are excluded�you know what I mean though)

� On Friday, I will sleep �across the street from Canada�, in the most Northeastern town in the United States.

� When I pick up the guitar now, I feel a little more confident. Years ago, every time I picked up a guitar it was like those teenage premature ejaculation days.

� A commercial for a television show called �The Family� a woman is shown saying �All�s fair in love and war�. At first glance I thought the woman was Alice Cooper.

� I wonder how many women James Spader has slept with, and/or pissed off a few days later.

� Where is the justice in the world when Joe Strummer, Joey Ramone, and Sting die before Bob Hope? Wait, is Sting dead yet? Did I miss that memo?

� In the month of August I will be in: Massachusetts, Maine, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New York, Washington DC, New Jersey, Maryland, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Missouri, Illinois, Kansas, Oklahoma, and Delaware. That�s more exciting than a new Jane�s Addiction record.

� Could the song �XXX XXXXX X XXX, XXXXXX� suck anymore?

� Last month, I got completely fucked up on crystal meth and scotch, and went to a studio taping of the Caroline Rhea show. After the taping I had Caroline autograph a bible I had with me.

� �I now weigh more than the Olsen Twins�

� I�ve now had the same headache for a few days now. I think working in the warehouse all week, and not being in my normal routine each day is stressing me. I noticed the grey today.

� The person responsible for Jalapeno Lite Cream Cheese walks into a Barbara Streisand concert wearing a tuxedo with a big pink swastika on the back of it.

� Drinking beer and smoking marijuana on a Tuesday night in New England. I can almost smell the fall leaves. Shit.

� At the cookout the other day (Sunday), there was an acoustic guitar available. Whereas I was not talking to any of the dozen or so strangers, and just basically being �the guy who lives next door that we invited� (shit, I just realized I was that guy. I�ve met that guy on numerous occasions at parties. Hundreds of those fucking guys. �Oh, that�s Mike, he lives upstairs�. He eventually disappears. I disappeared too. No questions asked. I was just �done�.). At one point, I quietly played �Cat Scratch Fever� to myself.

� Talking to the woman at Ticketmaster on the phone today was a little hard on the mind. Then again, talking to any customer service person is an exercise in patience.

� �Funny you should ask, I happen to know Kenny Rogers personally�

� The girls at the table next to me at the bar tonight talking about poetry, Jake Gyltyansnadhayiathal from Donnie Brasco, I mean Donnie Darko, and their clothes. One of them eventually recognizes me, as did I. A quick hello. She once served me pizza and soda. She has absolutely no idea that I am addicted to horse porn.

before & after