I

Oh Joy!

2003-06-26 || Jon, cum all over my feet, don't use your left hand!

Soundtrack � John Coltrane � Coltrane

I have a snake shaped crack on my windshield that somehow appeared yesterday. It is big and long, like a snake. I feel that, if I don�t watch out, it will bite my face off while I am driving.

Last night I went with Shawn and Tony, ate some red meat, bought a couple of CD�s, looked at some SUV�s. I so can�t wait to fund terrorism and horde fuel with my SUV. I can�t wait to upset people in small fuel-efficient cars because I am higher in the air than them. I also can�t wait until they release Blow Up on DVD at some point�but that doesn�t have anything to do with anything so fuck.

Tonight I am going to see this gentleman play the guitar better than any fuck out there today

I watched Punch Drunk Love last night, it was pretty good, but made me feel uncomfortable�it seems all of Paul Thomas Anderson�s films have that effect. Well Hard Eight, and Magnolia did, Boogie Nights was just kind of silly. Adam Sandler was great though.

Yesterday the obvious lesbian made quite possibly the worst drink I�ve ever had at the coffee shop. She looks like one of the brothers in Oasis. I said to her �Hey, why are lesbians so cool?� she said �excuse me? Why?�. I replied, �because they have short hair�

So I took this test, and got 86 out of 100 correct. Well, not correct, but the answers that would definitely point to someone having Attention Deficit Disorder. Here�s an average day for me:

Get to work, do some work for 30 minutes or so�check my home e-mail 3 times in that span of time�do a little more work�go on the internet for 45 minutes reading reviews of films I�ll never see�smoke a cigarette�Have one sentence to type, spend 25 minutes staring at my computer screen, attempt to type it. Go to the bathroom. Go have another cigarette, call a friend on the phone. Start a new project. Contemplate typing that sentence again. Go to the other building. Go smoke another cigarette. Start a third project. E-mail someone. In the middle of typing this paragraph, I have checked 4 different e-mail accounts, the guestbooks of 4 diaries I have, and e-mailed a friend. I have a ton of shit that is supposed to be done by Monday, I am about 1/6th done. I will probably end up staying in all weekend now. Although�we may go buy the car on Saturday. I am now completely out of money from my paycheck yesterday too�although this is because I decided to actually pay some bills. Most assholes pay taxes. I wait and wait and wait, until it gets down to a reasonable amount, and then I pay it. I owed the state of Massachusetts $300 at one point. I didn�t pay it. I kept not paying it. They sent me a million letters that ended up ripped in half amongst ashtray contents, empty cigarette packages, spit, sperm filled tissues, and apple cores in my trash barrel. They then started sending me a new letter telling me I owed $167 now. Somehow, the $133 was taken care of. This was not good enough. There are fucking potholes all over this fucking state, cigarettes are too expensive, and I have no say in the smoking bans that are taking place all over this state, so what the fuck do I want to spend all that money on taxes for. You�d have to be a complete fucking moron to fall into this trap. I waited another 6 months, the new letter said I owed $63 or something. Sorry, that�s still to expensive for me. I litter all the fucking time. Bags of food, packs of cigarettes, magazines, drinks, glass, anything I can fit through my car window gets thrown to the ground. Those public works guys need something to do with all the fucking money we pay them. I think littering should be mandatory if we�re going to pay taxes this high. I have a good amount of friends (most of them women, or fags) who get upset when I litter. I could give a shit what these people think, I tell them they should get into the habit of littering. Why would I want to leave trash all over my car? So on Monday these cocksuckers send me a new letter telling me I now owe $24.49. Now that�s more like it. I paid the motherfuckers. Now when I litter, or buy a pack of cigarettes, or hit a pothole in the street I don�t feel bad at all. I feel like I�m getting my money�s worth.

How about a nice bowl of