It�s good to know that in an alternate life, I am Yolanda in the mail room. I have never told anyone this. One evening, how do you say, I mean, so one night I am sitting in here (before, I have talked about a green snake that floats in my bedroom from time to time), and the snake tells me that I live an alternate life as Yolanda, in the mailroom. I am satisfied with this.

So I am going to buy a new car. Actually�I am going to buy a Sport Utility Vehicle. Regardless of what my friends who voted for Ralph Nader and only buy their soy food products at food co-ops think. I can use it to move the bands equipment, and I like the bigger vehicles. If I had a small penis, I would buy a sports car. Well, I have no idea what I have. Umm, I do however look forward to the car dealerships. This has got to be one of the worst things a human being can do. Without further ado, the top ten worst things a human being can do (in no particular order)

1) Go to a car dealership

2) Smoke Crack

3) Go to the dentist, drunk

4) Listen to Kenny Rogers and not feel like a better musician

5) Fuck Richard Simmons

6) Go to the Ice Capades

7) Ingest a 16 oz cup of frozen paper clips

8) Say something along the lines of �I want Wolf Blitzer to fuck me like a dog�

9) Be skinny, have a moustache, and play Frisbee with no shirt on

10) Watch the movie Tank Girl more than once

One time, when I was younger I went to a car dealership and bought a Geo Storm. I think it was the first year the Geo was on the road. I bought one for like $10,000. When I got home and told my mother, she advised me it was a bad idea, especially since I made about $6.50 an hour, and worked part time, and was only like 18. We cancelled it, much to the dismay of Frank, the guy who talked me into it. I had Frank test drive it, as it was a stick shift, and I had no idea how to drive one. I would learn after I bought it. I still have no idea how to drive a �shifter car�, as Vincent Gallo would say.

This weekend, we go to New Jersey and play the music for the people�hopefully. If you live there, stop by Sunday night. More info as it gets closer.

At 2:18, I should be in bed.

before & after