Oh Joy!
2003-05-29 || Seth, I have your money
Soundtrack � Eddie �Lockjaw� Davis � the Tenor Scene

If you don�t own this record, you are a fucking moron�shit, I bet there are a lot of morons out there. Oh well.

So next week is the New Jersey gig finally. The only thing I�m nervous about is leaving our shit in the truck at the motel. I think we are staying in a generally nice area though that I have stayed at before though. Practice has been pretty good the past couple of weeks. It�s odd hearing the music sober all the time.

So this fucking goddamned morning I go back to the bagel place, (which is literally called �The Bagel Place�, but I�m just going to refer to it as the bagel place, rather than The Bagel Place, as I don�t think it deserves any special treatment. I call Starbucks �the coffee place�, so I will call this place the fucking bagel place, I don�t care about the name of it. It could be called �Benjamin�s Bagel Palace�, and I would still call it the bagel place. I admit there is a small bone of contention with me because it�s actually called �The Bagel Place�, and I often refer to places as �the cd place�, or �the meatloaf place�, etc. But I will, in real time conversation say to someone �oh the bagel place�, and if they say �You mean The Bagel Place in Salem, on 107?� I�ll say �Yeah, but I just mean �this bagel place�. Actually, that could be a better way to distinguish it �this bagel place�. Who the fuck do those motherfuckers think they are with this �The Bagel Place� like they are the only fucking bagel place in the world? Seriously, Bagel World over on Canal Street, which is unfortunately out of my way, is much better suited with a name like that, as they have some good fucking bagels, that are consistently good, the friendly Russian staff is always courteous, and the jalapeno lite is so fucking hot, it makes fire seem�not hot. So this fucking bagel place though, I�m sorry, but they are now going to be referred to as �this bagel place�, not �The Bagel Place�. It would be quite embarrassing if I had to tell people I was going there for pre-work food. Regardless of how nice of an ass the girl behind the counter has, the place doesn�t deserve any trumping in the English language with unnecessary capitalization.) and order myself a bagel for the ride to work. I�m running a few minutes late, and I haven�t been to this bagel place since before I got sick in April. There is a new girl working there, she�s wearing a shirt with a big number 3 on it. The bald black man, who has a small resemblance to David�s boyfriend on Six Feet Under, but not as good looking thankfully is having nothing to do with my order today as first of all, he can�t fucking make a bagel worth a nickel, and he has the personality of a tub of margarine. So the new girl makes my shit, and I leave. I give them my money, I get my napkins. I leave, everyone�s happy.

I then make my way over to the coffee place. The same women who are in there every fucking morning greet me. One of them (the only white girl), has shorts on. She has skinny legs, when she turns around, her legs are all scarred and yucky looking for 9:14 AM on a Thursday. I get my coffee and give them my money, throw the extra change in the tip jar, and leave. Everyone is happy. Unfortunately, this happiness will not last for long.

I open the bagel wrapper and take a bite out of it. Hmmm, tastes kind of strange�another bite�is there shrimp in this or something? Take another couple of bites�.is the cream cheese bad or something? Did I get the bagel with shit flavored cream cheese and I didn�t know it? Yes, apparently I did, as this thing was the most disgusting fucking bagel I have ever eaten in my entire history of eating bagels. I of course kept eating it, until I dropped a good amount of cream cheese on my shirt that I�ve had on for 3 days now. I ended up throwing the whole situation out the window before getting to work as it was such a travesty. Long fucking live BAGEL WORLD.

Last night, I almost crashed into the car in front of me because I was staring at one of those people walking down the street that walks all fucked up. You know the walk I�m talking about, it�s like someone limping, with scalding hot coffee all over their legs or something. So I didn�t notice the car in front of me stopping as I was staring at this woman walking like that. I wonder if she had this done to her at one point?

Everyone should be killed, eh?

before & after