Oh Joy!
2003-05-28 || Top 9 Genghis-Jon entries
Soundtrack � Bill Monroe � Anthology

�Danny Glover, thrown into a vat of poisonous snakes and bleach�

I woke up and looked at the alarm and wondered why it hadn�t sounded yet. It was 7:02, it then went off at 7:03. I forgot about that. I got out of bed pretty fast today as I could barely move my back was hurting. Leaving the house with a car full of trash bags, I pulled to the side where we leave the trash. There is a woman sitting on the ground with a long cigarette hanging out of her mouth opening bags of trash and pulling out bottles and cans. Before getting in my car I said �this one has my former dog in it, I wouldn�t open it�. I�m sorry, but why the fuck would you want to look through bags of trash, get a fucking job like the rest of us, and then you can smoke all the long cigarettes you want. I say we start handing out food with PCP in it to homeless people. Bottles of vodka filled with ammonia, etc.

�Alan Alda, being electrocuted in his backyard�

I met Ted in downtown Chelsea, Massachusetts, where the white men rarely go. Ted wanted me to help move some boxes of detergent up to his apartment under the bridge. I mentioned the last time I helped a man I was almost arrested. This didn�t seem to be an issue with Ted. Let me tell you, Ted was a good man.

�Eminem, torn apart by dingos�

Once I get the taste of red wine in me, as I did on Sunday at the relative�s house. I can�t get enough of it. I want to drink it in work, I want to drink it at home, I want to drink it in the car. I want to vomit pink all over the bathroom sink.

�Tori Amos, force fed raw hamburger and pennies at a Fireworks display, Willingboro, New Jersey, 1993�

I looked out at the pool and saw a boy with his mother learning how to swim. I asked, �Do you want to flip over?� you replied, �Whatever, just keep fucking me�. I wondered how things back at the office were.

�Perry Farrell, chopped in half�

I can�t imagine smashing a guitar in half, a 1969 Gibson SG for that matter, because a girl I loved fucked someone else. This should be expected. The only person I trust at this point is

�Sarah McLachlan, completely engulfed in flames�

Last night I realized how different it is now than say�three or four years ago. I am in the house constantly. I don�t want to be in the house constantly. I want to be out with people each and every night, sharing anecdotal travel stories, and favorite movies and favorite songs, and reasons for living and all that. Pass the bong filled with marijuana, and whiskey, let�s get some shit done today.

�Winona Ryder, bound and gagged, thrown in the Charles River�

I never want to leave my house of talk to another fucking person again. I wish they could leave me alone. How many more times can I say that? How much of an angry clich� can I become over here?

�Drew Barrymore, covered in fire ants, then shot in the face 4 or 5 times with a 357 Magnum�

My father told us over the weekend that he was sorry he was never around for us as we were growing up. He was a record executive doing coke and fucking secretaries while my mother figured out how to deal with us. I don�t think I would have it any other way. Imagine the shitty music I would make if I had a good childhood?

�Hillary Clinton, force fed 10 pounds of flour and 2 quarts of tequila�

I feel pretty good today, as I generally do on pay day, days the band rehearses, and �drug days�. I need to buy a new dress to put on the dead body in the garage.

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