I had a dream I had a new cat, it was a �leopard style� cat. Do not mention this dream or ask me about it again, thank you.

Yesterday I had a learning epiphany with the guitar. This should work out for me.

The Puerto Rican woman at the coffee shop let her hair down today, I contemplated rolling a joint in the parking lot.

I watched the making of a video by Pink last night; this has had no bearing on what I decided to wear today.

I do not need air conditioning, anyone who does probably would feel comfortable at a Melissa Etheridge concert on ecstasy.

A man completely lied to my face once (in 1993) telling me he saw the Grateful Dead the night before and they played �St. Stephen�. Anyone who is anyone knows �St. Stephen� was last performed on 10/31/83.

My brief love affair with roasted red peppers in 1992.

What if, driving over the George Washington Bridge, we tip over and all of our equipment and our human bodies plunge to our deaths in the water below.

Islam will destroy that bridge at some point, and as much as I don�t condone violence, or wish hurt on others, the footage of that would be more entertaining than the World Trade Center being blown to pieces.

Any woman who�s favorite Monkee was Peter is most likely now feeling comfortable at an Indigo Girls concert.

Ordering milk at a restaurant and then wondering why you didn�t get your dick sucked/pussy eaten in the parking lot.

The other night sitting on the bed in silence, no music on, no TV on, computer off, attempting my own type of meditation, all of a sudden blurry violent images enter my head, all of a sudden in one of these images I lift my head and bump it on a shelf, I shook awake and felt my heart racing.

My fear of pit bulls came to a head twice, both in the company of girls I had crushes on. I had to act cool and not scared. One of the dogs was half pit bull half rottweiler. To this day I have never kissed either girl.

Once the air conditioner comes on you can�t hear shit.

The time I hit a man over the head coming out of an ATM machine and took his money.

The man at the guitar shop, when he goes home does he play along to his Stevie Ray Vaughn records? Does he think Stevie Ray Vaughn was the best blues guitar player ever? Does he even know a person named Elmore James existed at one point? Does the man from the guitar store, does he go home and jerk off with his right hand, or his left hand? Does the man from the guitar store want me to come over tonight and play my blues records for him?

I would never hit a woman�with my car.

I like when you get coffee and it tastes like raisin bran.

The Patriot Burger was a burger one could get at Big Fred�s in Salem, MA. This thing was the size of a dish. I think they had a doctor on the hand ready to remove your colon on site.

Every man in the world is a complete faggot and they don�t even know it. Every guy I know at least is of questionable sexuality. This is basically because every one of them has cried over a female before. Any guy who cries is a faggot. Any guy or woman who thinks the word �faggot� is offensive and insensitive hasn�t seen Episode 62 of Three�s Company called �Old Folks at Home�.

When Ed shows up, all the boys get down and party. Ow.

They said the Saudi�s are warning of imminent attacks on us now. Should I put on a jacket, or should I start dividing up my music collection?

It�s funny how things all of a sudden come back to you, I remember this guy Randy with a Jewish last name made me suck his dick when I was nine or ten years old, he was a teenager from the neighborhood who scared everyone. I remember thinking �this thing is huge�

Mike Simondiski sold me my first joint. Say that name with me: �Mike Simon-dis-kee�. He was blonde, and then got real fat.

Sometimes, I don�t want anyone to look at me, talk to me, or know anything whatsoever about me. I feel like I�m pretty good at becoming others, or rather, hiding from others. Please consider this before hitting the �dismiss� button, I am a sweetheart, and have references.

before & after