Here�s the deal, you either fucking listen to the customer, or you learn to speak English a little better. For the third time in a month now, you have put the tomatoes on the sandwich when the customer clearly replied to your question �lettuce and tomatoes?� with �no tomatoes, just lettuce is fine�. What part of �no tomatoes� do you not understand? Which part of the barrel of my .357 Magnum do you not understand? Here, let me give you a third ear�

It�s beautiful outside in Boston today at a nice 51 degrees Fahrenheit, the sun is poking in and out of the clouds, and I feel generally good after being told I was getting a raise yesterday, retroactive pay from Jan 1st,. and on top of all that a bonus for a job well done I guess�.just in time for my trip on Friday. I am going to buy so much fucking cocaine it is not even going to be funny. I have never done cocaine in my life, and don�t plan on ever doing any for the rest of my life, and I have no idea where to get it, but I am going to find out and buy a ton just to have it.

The junk mail situation is getting to be a serious problem with me with subject lines with my name in them and things that say �you are required to read this�, etc. These people really are a notch below child molesters on the ethics and morals scale. I think a big group of us should get together and throw burning paper bags full of dwarf shit at them. Who do I call, what Italian relative of mine do I have to call to have this taken care of once and for all?

So a few weeks ago I received a message from a woman who was a customer here asking if I was the same guy with my name as someone she knew at Wake Forest. I replied I was not�then I started thinking. I have a fairly rare name, I should see if I can dig some shit up on this guy. I didn�t find much, except that he may be someone who is a teacher in Illinois.

I then made my way to the Wake Forest website and signed up for an alumni e-mail account. I received it a few days later with access to that, as well as some generally harmless stuff in their system.

Last night, I open my Yahoo account which is an anonymous account, which I used to set up the Wake Forest account, and had this e-mail:

To:XXXXXXX.XXXXX.XXX

Subject: Attention Wake Foresters!

All Philly area ACC alumni clubs are getting together for the ACC

Tournament!!! Should be fun; could get ugly...

ACC Tournament Update - Confirmed!!!

All Games at Manayunk Brewing Company, Main Street and Shurs Lane,

Manayunk

Friday, March 14 - Games at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. on the Patio

Saturday, March 15 - Games at 1:30 p.m. and 3:30 p.m. on the Patio

Sunday, March 16 - Game at 1 p.m. in the Second Floor Pub

Originally, we were only going to do Saturday but some of the other

alumni

clubs got really excited and wanted to do the whole thing. Come for

any or

all of it!!!

If you think you will be attending, email me back at

[email protected]

I need to get an idea of how many to expect.

GO DEACS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nancy Tuohy ('92)

Philadelphia Wake Forest Club Co-President

�Holy Goddamned Motherfucking Shit� I thought to myself, I�m going to be in the Philadelphia area this weekend! This could be my next step in my Identity Theft Lifestyle I�ve been hoping to get involved in. If anything, I am going to RSVP and say I am going to be there, and maybe ask the woman who sent the e-mail some questions to get some generic info I may need for future Identity Theft Lifestyle Achievements.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck you�re all a bunch of pussies, except for Ramanda, who joined the ring promptly.

before & after