Oh Joy!
2003-01-29 || Izabella and Ahmad-1991, Brooklyn
Soundtrack � Jim O�Rourke - Insignificance

Mind is back in place tonight.

The state of the union address was like a James Brown concert. I went to a James Brown concert a long time ago, not long ago enough to say �I fucking saw James Brown�, as it was like 1996 or something. James Brown is one of my favorite performers in the world, he has all those phases of his career that are intense, and whenever I am in a shitty mood, if I remember to, I put James on and everything is better. When I saw the James Brown concert, I was working at a used record shop at the time (not the one I was at from 1987-2002, a part time one, and there was a third as well�heh). Next door to us was a guitar shop, I made friends with one of the guys there, and a group of about ten of us went to this show. We wanted to see how high we could get on the way to the show. The show was in Lowell, MA, and we were in the next town over. We smoked 5 joints in my car on the way there. When we got there, and the James Brown concert started we experienced the same thing that happens on Live at the Apollo Volume 1, 2, and 3 the clapping. When you go to see James Brown, he tells you who is playing in the band every 75 seconds or so. The band we saw was comprised of a bunch of white guys with moustaches (I wondered if James had a touring band, or if like Chuck Berry he shows up in his own car, and there is a band waiting for him with instructions to �know how to play Chuck Berry songs��doubtful. So every 75 seconds or so James would tell us this person was playing drums, or this person was playing guitar. So every minute or so you were clapping for this announcement. Watching the state of the union address tonight was the same. People stood up and clapped every time W would tell us that we are the greatest country in the world. I wasn�t paying that much attention, and to me it sounded like the same rhetoric he spews at random press conferences, or when he�s randomly doing speeches at schools or factories around the country trying to secure that 2004 victory that he obviously won�t receive. After that James Brown concert, the ten or so of us had to go back to the record shop to pick up cars, and more importantly break up the ounce of pot I had in my jacket. It was as cold as it is right now, so when we arrived back there at 1AM we went into the store to break up the bag, and warm up while others warmed their cars up. At the James Brown concert we all bought these pins with the face of James Brown on them, big shit eating grinned James Brown. We got back in our cars and were pulling out, when all of a sudden we were surrounded by police cars. Apparently someone had seen a bunch of kids going into the record shop at night. My friend was in his van in front of us and I saw him get pulled out of the van at gunpoint with his hands in the air, and his James Brown pin in clear view. They got to my car, and did the same to me. They made us lay on the ground, and I shivered and worried that my James Brown pin was going to be scratched on the rough pavement. I was more concerned with the gun pointed at my head, and the half ounce of marijuana I had in my jacket pocket. The policemen, all 5 cars worth of them kept yelling and asking what we were doing. I tried to tell them I had a key to the store, and I was a manager there blah blah blah. Finally, he stood me up, and started going through the pockets of my pants. The bag of pot was literally just in my front jacket pocket, not buttoned in our anything. Finally after telling him he could take my keys and go try them on the door, and check my ID, etc. he stopped searching me. They even called my boss, and he okayed everything, and we were on our merry way home from the James Brown concert and bag dividing situation. I still will always remember laughing to myself at my friends and I all with our hands in the air with these big ass James Brown pins on our respective jackets. I thank George W Bush for reminding me of this story tonight. Thanks buddy, have an enchilada on me.

A dark colored snake just flew across my room.

�This thing is not gonna suck itself�

Ordered DSL for this computer a week and half ago from Earthlink. I have been trying to get them on the phone for a couple of days now to see what the fuck is going on with the shit that was supposed to ship a week ago. Today at work I called and got that menu you get when you call a business customer service line. Whereas my attention span is shorter than my penis when I get out of the shower, I missed what number I was supposed to press�twice. I finally got put on hold, and the recorded voice of that woman, who apparently does the voicemails for EVERY FUCKING PHONE MENU IN THE WORLD. She tells me that they are experiencing a high volume of calls and that the wait may be longer than normal, and that it may be recorded for �quality assurance�. Are they going to prove to me that the quality was better than I thought it was in a court of law or something? After 8 minutes and 39 seconds of smooth jazz, I hung up. I called later, after lunch, missed the numbers I was supposed to dial yet again, and then got a new message from that woman that does the voicemails for EVERY FUCKING PHONE MENU IN THE WORLD. This time she told me that �Earthlink is currently having meeting with it�s employees, and that I should call back, or wait, although it may be a long time. Did the woman who does the voicemails for EVERY FUCKING PHONE MENU IN THE WORLD lie to me the first time? I thought we had a good relationship up until this point. I waited this time for about 10 minutes and started dozing, and being put in a trance from the funky smooth jazz that was playing on the phone. Tonight, when I got home and put the computer on and checked some news, I noticed an article with the headline �Earthlink to cut 25% of workforce�. So while I was slacking at work sitting on the phone daydreaming of a tropical island with olive skinned women in long flowing white summer dresses on (the only images one conjures up when listening to smooth jazz), they were indeed having meetings with the people I was waiting to talk to. They were getting fired.

If you ever have the chance to see the video for the song �Key Largo�, please do, and then explain to me why I shouldn�t be an angry person ready to go crazy with weapons at any time. This is the man guilty of this crime:

This is the man guilty of anything bad that happens in the world:

before & after