Oh Joy!
2002-12-12 || long before the republicans killed my wife, I was a famous author
Soundtrack � Mahavishnu Orchestra � Birds of Fire

No, that�s degrading

How so?

Come on, you�re a woman, what can�t you see here?

You�re telling me you won�t do that to me?


You are too nice, or at least I think you are

I am, yeah

Perhaps you�re just playing the �sensitive guy� thing

No, why would I do that? This is me�right here, live in concert

Real funny

Can I put something else on, this is kind of bumming me out

Sure, just don�t knock the vase over on the floor

Do you like this record?

It�s okay I guess

Okay? This is his best record!

I like the one before this better

Well, yeah that one is good, but this is my favorite

So what pleasure could you possibly get from that anyway?

I don�t know, it�s just kind of sexy


Yeah, in a porn star kind of way

Well, I don�t really think of you as a porn star though


But you want me to?


Well maybe I�ll grow a moustache and I can show up at your door to fix your tv set, and then we can fuck

Ha Ha Ha!

Well you said you wanted to be a porn star!

I didn�t say I wanted to be one, I just think sometimes it�s cool to get a little kinky

Well, kinky is one thing, but I�m not going to do that to you

Why not, you wanted to try that other thing that time

Well yeah, all my friends said it was great

Yeah well, your friends don�t have the chance of getting fucked in the ass though

True, well maybe Mike, who knows about him�besides, this is just a silly thing that seems like it only works in the movies, I know I don�t want to do it as it�s not going to turn me on any

Okay okay, you don�t have to do it

Me personally, I don�t like to see it at all, why do you think guys beat off in the dark so much?

Well, you don�t have to do anything you don�t want to

I still can�t believe I�m having this conversation with you

Do you have to go downtown tomorrow?


What time will you be home?

I don�t know, 3 or so

Cool, because I am going to set that thing up tomorrow in the basement

Oh, okay�good luck

Yeah I know, I hate those things, the instructions are never easy to deal with

Yeah, yet they have them in a dozen different languages

No shit

Well, I think we should go to sleep

I�m going to stay up and write a little, I�ll be in in a little while�

Okay, goodnight


(It always arives at 1:36 AM. it always shows up. I told myself I didn't want to see 1:36 ever again. Go to sleep at 1:00, n ot 1:30, you will be forced to look over at it. It will fill you up. What that is at 1:36. Let me tell you waht happens severry night at 1:36 Am. It'c omes out and fills me up >loneliness. It comes out late like that. I:36 is late now. I can't see it anymore. I had to leave that fucking party. Who the hell would just show up there after 1am already after you had a perfectly good time. Who the hell would want to get into that. Who would tell me, I mean who would want to see 1:36 if they knew what happesn to me every ngith at 1:36 am. I smile. I laugh. I did that all night. it was genuine. Art exhibits and demons aren't interesting me. This cd is. Art exhibits and I had this coffee that I lost earlier tonight. I can't. I think I left it at that party. That party pissed me off. I walk in and the dog. I need a bathroom, there's bugs and girls every fucking where you need to turn. Is there? Wait, there's no cliques. There's no animosity. Why do all girls think they hate each other? They always. She hates me" They got some nerve doing that. Everything is copesetic. Everything works out in the end. Nobody hates you. I certainly don't. I ain't sharing none of this with you though. This stays here. You don't get any of this. You don't get this. The party. Bugs. Art exhibits. CDogs. Rap music. Joe Glowakcsi has a big dick i hear. I think I could throw up. I threw up in the car tonight. I threw up. Everything makes me sick. This drink makes me sick. % 5 jack/ck 2 joints. there's no concern there. There's no cause for concern. He's gone, pass the ridalin. The car starts quiet for ninjas, as me and james brown go on the good foot down the rest of ther street, whil e unsuspecting subs try exorcisms and attention deficcit disorder. The car struggles away from everything he felt was heaven. The car take the ;last long ride home. %5 minutes, and two songs, one on shuffle, skip this one, this one moves more. What's this ocnversation about boyfreidns and ex-boyfriends. I have an ex-girlfriend. I have a couple. >Let me tell you I loved them all. I loved them all dearly. Throwing jackets on puddles, and singing happy birthday on answewring machines. Let me tell you I loved them all. I can talk about that. I can't talk about my last book I read. I can't talk about how sore my arms are from the weightsl. I can't believe he just can't be a man. He has excuses. he has weaknesses. I'm going where the girls are. Sunny Florida! Don't those same seating patterns get old after a week? I'm going to pull the slot machine. I'm going to fly out of a plane. An airplane. I'm going to do it all. You watch how famous this gets me. You watch how the punctuation goes out the fucking window. You just end up going out the window. How many make out sessions does it take to change a lightbulb? 1. 2. One to turn it, and one to make sure it ain't too hot. You can't get me too covered in green. I get green over anything. This is why it's all a mess. This is the answer right here. Escape. You have to shake every godamned hand in the country besides Al Gore. You have to be a politician waving from the car and kissing babies{I still haven't an idea where that baby was, you loved that baby} A diner. What was it. You talked about babies. na na na na nana ana na na nana na na na nana na na na nana na na na nanaa na na na na na na na na a nana na nan na nana na na na nana na na na nana na na na nana na na na nan. I talked about. I feel dizzy and have to hang up now.)

(and we always forget to recognize any good in anyone it seems so fucking caught up in this quest for the perfect friend and we see all the negative shit and don�t just stop and realize that for once we have some sort of security and assurance that we could always find a ride to the airport)

(so on the way to work this morning I�m thinking to myself about how I can�t really�well, we don�t need to go into that in writing, that will stay here, and be written at a later date)

now�soundtrack � Iggy and the Stooges � Raw Power

(I look forward to the sun rising on January 1st 2003 as I come in to Boston on the train. If all is planned correctly, I may be able to time that right. Okay, New Years Eve 199�ummm1989-90 actually, I guess, fuck my head is history at this point. So, New Years Eve, I�m like 20 or 21 or something, I�m hanging with this new group of people. You would go to their apartment and they would always be playing 4AD music: Dead Can Dance, Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, Pixies � Surfer Rosa, Throwing Muses, all that stuff. I was hanging with a strange group of people at this point. A gay man, and his sister, and their best friend. They were new in town from Virginia. Apparently, I found out later the guy didn�t want me to know he was gay, as I was a skinhead, and he thought I would beat him up or something. This couldn�t be further from the truth. I only beat people up if they were black or jewish�.kidding. So they had this New Years Eve party, and at that point, I had never done much on New Years Eve. At 2:30 I decided we needed to get in the car, take the back roads from Salem, and drive into the city. We took this long winded route that took about 90 minutes, for which is normally a 20 minute drive or so. We played the Cocteau Twins � The Pink Opaque in the car over and over, smoked pot, and wore the red wine buzz away with shitty 4AM coffee. This was the last time I can honestly remember having a great New Years Eve. There were 5 of us in the car, and we talked about everything and everything in between. This New Years Eve, I�m going to New York City to see Phish, meeting some friends there, and coming back in the middle of the night most likely. Rather than deal with finding a place to sleep, I�d rather sit on the train and stare out the window for once. I�m sick of always steering the boat.)

Shit, I should go to sleep, I�m still a little sick, and tomorrow will be another busy day. Iggy Pop is not helping me get to sleep.

before & after