�I Gotta Right To Sing the Blues�

She made fun of the way I ate soup, and how I had dirt under my fingernails. I should have taken this as a clue to run away. I think she resented me for some odd reason all those years. I think she thought I thought I was better because I was older. I would have crossed the Atlantic Ocean on a hockey stick for her, she knew this, but it was evidently not enough.

�Gee, Baby, Ain�t I Good to You?�

I could argue and argue that I�m not really like the others. I could sit here and pull up old interviews, and resumes I wrote years ago. I could give you a list of references. I could give you the phone numbers of my last 5 associates and you could ask them how well I worked under pressure. The only time I cracked is that one time I had to ride a bicycle, whistle Dixie, and juggle 4 flaming rods.

�I Fall in Love to Easily�

Lying on the ground a complete fucking mess. The ground is spinning far too fast for me to feel insecure and embarrassed. I want to fuck someone tonight. I wanted to fuck. Well, I wanted to go home with a bigger ego. All I got was this lousy headache.

�Just One of Those Things�

I remember she cried while we fucked in my car one night.

�I�ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm�

We smoked a little bit of marijuana and talked about your parents. Why did we always have to talk about your mother? It was always about your mother. John Lennon warned of old Flattop, and it shut you up for at least 45 minutes. I could always keep you quiet with good music. The more stories you told, or complaints about your mother, the longer the record. �Shit, her mother yelled at her about her job, I better break out the White Album instead of Sgt Peppers.�

�I Loves You Porgy�

I�m a pushover, even though I think I�m not. Go ahead, punch me in the face, and now ask me to make you a mesquite grilled chicken sandwich with mango salsa, on a multigrain bulkie roll, and some red bliss fried potatoes on the side. Go ahead, ask me to take out the garbage, and to scrub under my fingers before I eat. Ask me for that ten dollars. Please.

�They Can�t Take That Away from Me�

Even though my head is pounding a million miles an hour AGAIN tonight, I drink this glass of wine, and I think of inside jokes that have already been created. I think of the wonderful way the wind blows in the car at night in the summertime. My fondest memories are driving back from the Heroin capitol of the Northeast with the radio blaring the Descendents, and watching her pleated skirt billow as she slept with a smirk on her face. I should have thrown her out of the car that night.

�I�m Just a Lucky So and So�

Fate always works in my favor. Some of us don�t believe in fate. I think you do control it, yeah you�re right. I like to think of some romantic notion that the one I will spend a lot of time with will be one I �accidentally� stumble upon. The one I run into that I met briefly in passing, but never knew. She�ll arrive at my doorstep with a list of demands, and I�ll search her for drugs and microphones before she can come in.

�Let�s Fall in Love�

It was violent the way it happened. It was violence in my eyes that I never knew I had. I didn�t think I was capable of such actions, yet I made it happen. Long live the morally bankrupt!

�You Go to My Head�

I love that song Sleepwalk, that old instrumental by Sancho and Johnnie or something like that. That song will be the soundtrack of my next night out on the town. I will listen to that song over and over and over and over and still not tire of it. Everyone knows that song, they just don�t know what it�s called I bet. I slow danced with a short girl with dark hair I was in love with at the time to that song. It was hot, and I think we fell asleep like that.

�It Ain�t Necessarily So�

I drove so fast that night. I was a bit scared. I was overwhelmed, confused, and wondered how much bigger the puzzle could get. I was to arrive at the fireworks display early. We weren�t dressed for dinner, yet I made a joke that it was like a scene out of the Great Gatsby. We were in New Jersey for a weekend, yet I was in Hawaii. We talked of weddings and comedians, I thought about how amazing it was that someone could take over my head and make me forget you were there.

�I�ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm�

When I think of the way she laughs, or just plain smiles, I get this little shiver up my spine. When I think of how easy it would be for me to fall in love with her, I feel like throwing up. When I think of the sound my head makes on the pillow, the echo, because I�m able sleep diagonal, I wonder if I�m actually in a science fiction novel, and I�m in some other dimension.

�Well, You Needn�t�

We did so many drugs that night, my father had to teach me how to use my brain again. The irony of that is funny.

�It Never Entered My Mind�

She disgusts men all over. I don�t know why. I think she�s at least reasonably smart. This is why it baffles me why people do some of the things they do. I am willing to drive anyone to the meeting this Friday night. Apparently, they will be serving food at this, but any kind of help you can give is appreciated. I think that we will be discussing the upcoming Walk for Hunger, and then we might all join hands and see if we can get it done correctly this time. She has this way of sucking men into her life, letting them hang around like a bad habit, and then forgetting they exist. I remember where I keep my shotgun, does she remember where she keeps her suit of armor?

�My Funny Valentine�

The first thing I remember is getting a little sick. The next thing I remember is not wanting to ever try it again. I wasn�t �trying it� though. I think he was making me try it. How could you do these things? How can one still look in the mirror every morning, while I write stupid songs about girls in their twenties who won�t love me for whatever reason.

�You Stepped Out of A Dream�

My low point has got to be when I considered joining the military. My next lowest point was missing Miles Davis perform at the Hollywood Bowl that time because I had a headache. I will go down in history as a fuckhead because of this. I could have gone down as a fuckhead with a very short, neat haircut who can do more pushups than Richard Gere on Crystal Meth though.

�All the Things You Are�

I think that one should never apologize. I think you shouldn�t need to give excuse and reasons for your actions. I generally try to do things in a way that nothing needs to be explained. I hate having to write things down. I hate having to make charts and revise and revise and revise. I like the �live from New York!� thing. I like having the feeling that I am just about ready to play a rock concert. I am always feeling like that. Wait a minute, let me explain. Right now, if you came to my house, and said �there are 39,830 people at this hockey arena right now waiting for you to show up and give them a rock concert� I would do it. I would rock the crowd. I am always ready for the rock music. When the electric guitar is plugged in, you know the rest.

�You Don�t Know What Love Is�

The present is the only thing I remember right now. This is good. Presently, it goes like this: Wake up and smile, go to work and relax, come home and laugh my ass off. Fuck the world, twice, I say.

before & after