Oh Joy!
2000-09-10 || return to earth welcoming comittee
Brain is just a little bit off center right now. I just got in from driving for 3 and a half hours or so back from Albany. There was tons of fog on the highway making it impossible to see anything. A normal man would just go right to sleep right now. I�m wired now though. It�s after four am and I am feeling like ice water and whiskey at the same time. The weekend was pretty good, but I can�t help but ask my self �am I getting too old for this?� I was in bed pretty early last night in the hotel. Sleeping was next to impossible though. I can�t sleep in foreign places all too well. Instead I roll and spin and cough and stare at red alarm clocks playing classical music so quiet you can�t really make out melodies or notes, you just sort of know it�s there and it�s playing. This lulled me to sleep for a little bit. One thing I did realize though, I can�t travel with people for that long. There was nothing really long with my companions, Jeremy and Denise. I just need a few hours a day by myself. I was up pretty early in the hotel this morning and went and took a leisurely drive around the area with some cigarettes and Django Reinhardt. We�re all apparently supposed to learn to compromise. I just can�t do it sometimes though. So being with people, 2 people, sort of forces me to have to compromise here and there. The music was great at both shows. Tonight I felt a little sick though. It was extremely hot and smoky in the arena, it was loud as hell. I spent most of the night sitting in my chair staring at the floor, or the people and arms and legs around me.

I feel like I fucked something up. I always feel like this though. Maybe I�m being to analytical again�If so, than slap me. I want things to run smoothly. I think I fucked up though somewhere. I put the weight of things on and wouldn�t let up. If this is the case, so be it. Next script. If not, well then, let�s rock and toll. Either way I feel a little down and in the fog. Limbo is not the correct word. I just feel like nothing is happening. Perhaps because I�ve been away all weekend. I don�t want to drown. I don�t want to be the suffocation guy. I�m not that guy. I�m correct. I�m here for good with all of this. With this dried up bouquet. With this head full of songs and ideas for you to ponder. I�m here I swear to god. I�m just here. Under my skin. I�m not head heavy with ideas, I�m light and in the mood for something I swear to god is the correct thing. I am feeling like this was the way to go. I know how to start what I finish, I swear. I know how to correct thing when they go awry like this. I swear to god I can still do things the normal regular joe way to do them. My head is over here on the highway, so don�t pay attention to this. Nobody pay any attention to this. I am ready for the only comfort I have right now. The bed and the music in here. All the rest is dealt with tomorrow I guess.

And I�m out

before & after