Oh Joy!
2000-07-26 || openthedoor
Soundtrack � Smiths � Hatful of Hollow

No, I feel fine today thanks. What a short peaceful ride to work this morning. It�s rainy and gloomy out, and I feel pretty good actually. A tad better than last night anyway. I get information passed on to me from time to time that makes me want to strangle someone. I again could not go to sleep until 2:30 or so. Unless I just take a couple days off this will be like this every single freakin day now. Today I feel pretty good. Aside from stupid e-mails from some people I had in the work inbox this morning. Some friends can just be annoying fucking tools. Either way, I win, I�m cooler than them, and I�ve actually been in the presence of a naked woman. Okay enough about that.

Confusion. I hate confusion. Well, does anyone actually like confusion? I doubt it. I am so confused with everything right now, well except for one thing. I feel like nobody even knows me that I hang with. I feel like the outsider. �Oh where you been?� I�m still here looking at the same old walls every day honey. I�m generally better than I was a week ago, but I still don�t feel like I�ve accomplished anything. I�ve added a couple more things to the mix though. More crap to think about. It�s all crapola, so I don�t even know why I get worked up about anything. Like I said I get information passed on to me and it ruins me for the evening. I wish nobody knew anything about me. I wish nobody knew what I was thinking. Don�t come into my head. I don�t let you but you have to try and get in here. You and that guy from the backyard. Keep pushing me people. I don�t think I want to play anymore. I�m staying in for the rest of my life. I wonder what I should wear Saturday night. Big date. I wonder what I should say to myself Saturday night. I have nothing to do on Saturday night. I have no one to see on Saturday night. I have nowhere to be. This feels good. This feels like me again. I wonder where everyone will be on Saturday night. I wonder if I could get a kiss from someone. I don�t even give a fuck who it is. I wonder if I can no throw up from talking to much on Saturday night. I feel like I coul shake hands and give hugs all night this Saturday. I�ll put my shiney boots on and go for a cocktail. I�m going to get laid Saturday night. You watch me. I�m going to fuck every single person I meet on Saturday night. I�m going to open the door and tell everyone to come on in and join the party. No time for playing pool. Let�s go back to my house. Come on, we�ll all get so fucked up that we feel like shit the rest of the weekend. I think I�m going to get so fucked up Saturday night that on my way to going to get laid I�m going to smash my car into a tree and not get laid, just die. I think that I�m going to kiss a girl Saturday night. I was so excited last Saturday night that I went back to my car and played James Brown. Phone calls bring boring talky rainy days like this. Wait until you see what I do on Saturday night.

before & after