Oh Joy!
2000-06-23 || notes from the road 2
Nashville, TN 6.23.00

So I'm in Nashville for another couple of days here. I saw the first Phish show last night. It was pretty good, I've seen better. Wynonna Judd came out at the end and sang Freebird with them, which was one of the most surreal things I've seen on stage at a Phish show. Again, I also had the thing happen, that's happened at a couple of other shows as well. It's hard to explain it in writing, but I'll try. You get real focused on the band, and all of a sudden, the only thing you see is the band, and nothing around it. It could just be the drugs...So I have today, and all day tomorrow here, and then I leave on Sunday for N.C. I have no idea what to do with myself at this point. At this point I am grasping at myself for entertainment. Talking to myself more( I do that anyway though!). Last night I was at least sort of reminded why I was here. Last year I said I would not do this again, I think after this year I probably won't. At least by myself. I've come to the conclusion that it is good to spend time by yourself, and I'm fully capable of that. I'm perfectly happy with myself currently, but I don't think I could do this again. I can't deal with looking at the phone every time I'm away from it to see if anyone called. I can't deal with the insomnia I've been having because of sleeping in foreign beds every night. I can't deal with the heat. I can't deal with not being able to go see Heather at her apartment and burn candles and listen to music. I can't deal with having my own computer to sit at : ) Either way, I'm seeing Jeremy next Tuesday to see the last 4 Phish shows of the stretch, so that should be fun. I can't really think about the next ride I have to take to N.C, as it looks like it's a long one. I've been stable now the past few days which is good. Doing those long drives every single day burns you out. That's what happened last year anyway.

Last night I was sitting there in Waffle House after the show thinking about back home. It's been a couple of days since I've done that. Remembering the past few weeks has been strange. I can't think of a more odd time in my life personally than right now. I feel good about everything, even though it seems one would be normally depressed about things. There would be absolutely no way for me to get through this trip if I was dwelling in depression and shit like that. I feel cheated, like I was teased with something amd then it was taken away immediately. No time to think or breathe.Not cheated in a bad way just a "oh come on...". I wish there was a way to just get together comfortably and discuss things, but the timing has been so shitty the past few weeks that I feel unfulfilled and like nothing has really been accomplished.

I just realized I have absolutely nothing to say here today. I thought I'd have tons to say about this trip, but it's the same old touristy stuff I don't really feel that good about writing, as it's not that exciting anyway. I could talk about the record stores I've been to. I could talk about the new Deftones CD I bought that is amazing. I could talk about the people in Waffle House. Or I could just shut the fuck up for once.


before & after