�mom, what is that?�

�that�s a leopard�

**

So I just cashed in a Euro I had at the bank. That was pretty exciting, let me tell you. The bank is a fun place to be. I love the bank, almost as much as I love eating Mexican food.

**

When lighting a building on fire for the insurance money make sure you are not seen leaving the premises. Don�t be like other arsonists and come back to the scene of the crime. Never use gasoline, only electrical fires will really get you settled without much investigation. The winter is the best time to burn down a building for the insurance money, as you can always set up a space heater.

Please make sure all children, and pets are out of the building, and your car is parked at least three blocks away. Walk, don�t run to your car.

**

I�ve had dreams three nights in a row now that involved different people at work. Nothing sexual or anything like that. At one point the HR woman hugged me �goodbye� or whatever and whispered in my ear, yet like that scene in that David Lynch movie I couldn�t hear what she was saying. Another dream had me sitting on a couch with that tall single older woman from accounting who appears to be a lesbian, and recently adopted a Chinese baby. I dreamt we sat at this couch and she was very upset with me because I was supposed to work on some project with her and I fucked it up. She wore a short skirt, and I thought she wanted to make out on the couch, but instead she yelled at me. Before going to sleep I saw a picture of a Chinese baby, so�yeah.

**

�Is that your father?�

�What?�

**

I believe that Michael Jackson is innocent; it's scary how people just want to jump all over the guy on the radio and the TV because he's eccentric. Anyway, my opinion doesn't matter, but anyway.

**

How many people in this audience want to see me fuck this Pit Bull with a turkey baster?

before & after